Enough Dick Crushing, Bring Out the Crotchduster

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[WARNING: This is very immature. I wouldn’t play it at work, for it contains swear words and embarrassing things that normies shouldn’t hear.] If you’re a fan of silly metal side projects like Surf or Die and dick bands like My Dick, you need to know about a combination of both: Big Fat Box of Shit by Crotchduster.

Have you ever thought to yourself the following thoughts:

  • Between the Buried and Me is a great band, but I can’t stand their excellent segues”
  • “I sure do enjoy Weird Al Yankovic‘s polka medleys, and would enjoy it if they were done with heavy metal”
  • “I find not funny things* funny”

Crotchduster’s sole 2004 album Big, Fat Box of Shit is for YOU, especially if you consider yourself a well-traveled heavy metal fan; as they mix lots of classic styles.

Betwixt recorded lines of dialogue that a 14-year old might find funny; the band provides small segments of heavy metal, thrash, death, 80’s new wave, even lounge.  They’re short segments and they transition seam-fully.  Hell, I don’t even know why they chose to divide the album up into discreet movements they call “tracks”.  They seem arbitrary in length and just as random, though most clock in under the three-minute mark.

The stand-out of this album is “Mammal Sauce”, a 7:23 trip through just about every genre of music you could imagine, starting out with a few dudes “discussing” Crotchduster and this “Billy Williams” character.  It’s awesomely absurd, but definitely not the other way around. The song starts with a little hip-hop ditty (1:05), death metal (1:25), ??? (1:40), more death metal (2:04), then at around (2:30) turns into a pretty damn catchy pop-punk tune that lasts for a good stretch. At (5:04) one can only assume they’re doing an impression of Bobcat Goldthwait. It’s pretty spectacular, but I want you to listen to it for yourself:

The band is a side project of musicians that MIGHT not want you to know their identity, but I’m not positive so I’ll let you do your own investigating if you choose. So in the end, Crotchduster are equally stupid and serious about their craft. Their dedication to both attributes of music is actually pretty impressive, and for that it gets a pass in my mind. If you’re feeling antsy, check out the whole thing on Bandcamp.

* some of it’s funny.

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