Let’s Talk About This Obscure Cephalic Carnage/Anal Blast Split

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One day I was at my local record store, trying to find some solid grindcore or goregrind. I was looking for one album in particular because it had a totally perverse and hilarious cover, but snagged something else because it seemed pretty sweet. I got to the counter and realized that I didn’t have enough money for both CDs (scrub life representin’). The dude behind the counter advised that I buy the random one that I found because it was out of print. So, being the douche that I am, I naturally went for the weird, rare album. I walked out of that store with a beaten up copy of the Cephalic Carnage/Anal Blast split, Perversion… And the Guilt After/ Version 5.0bese. 

Prior to hearing this album, I had only heard a bit of CC and I hadn’t heard of Anal Blast at all. I was incredibly excited to listen, because the booklet was teeming with pictures that would make non-slam fans vomit. I was in for an adventure, my friends.

Upon starting it up, I was greeted by a weird, trippy intro, a couple seconds of grindcore, and Elmo’s voice (because weed, man). Then, out of fucking nowhere came one of the heaviest, most blistering series of deathgrind songs that I’ve ever heard. The opening riff for “Exhumed Remains” still makes me involuntarily scowl and subsequently lose my shit. The party continues with some quick and to-the-point grind, and a sweet bass lead and sample in “The Struggle”. The next three songs are kind of just a string of funny titles, weird samples, and grindcore. I know I’m making this sound generic, but I don’t think a person can really describe the CC experience other than saying that these guys are absolute masters of their craft, and that they make some of the best grind out there. The title track pops on and slows things down a tad, adding in some tasteful grooves and froggy vokills. The following ten songs (yes, ten) are basically a big “fuck you” to everyone that listens to this nonsense, but with jokey self-awareness. I fully appreciate the lack of effort that went into this. I feel like the ideas came as a “spark of genius” after murdering a gravity bong. Song number twenty is eloquently titled “Occular Penile Recepticle” and offers up some of the most stellar vocal production I’ve ever heard, along with some gnarly chugging and gargantuan blasts. The next and final song, “17 Minutes of Your Time”, mocks all of us idiots that listen to these other idiots play idiotic idiocy, quite literally flushing us down the toilet.

Overall, the legitimate songs on this portion of the split are God-tier in my book, and are some of the most ripping deathgrind jams that I’ve ever heard. Give it a listen yourselves. You shall not regret it.  -1/5 Flushes (negation due to toilet sample). (Joe Note: I don’t have artwork for negative flushes)

After thoroughly cleaning my ears of all the involuntarily impacted bong resin from listening to CC, I let the disk play once again in order to complete my quest and indulge in the absurdities of Anal Blast.

I was skeptical at first, and expected some overwhelmingly unexceptional goregrind due to the grotesque booklet and tongue-in-cheek song titles, like if Anal Cunt got a hold of a pitch-shifter and more talent. The opening track started up and I was immediately taken aback. I wasn’t hearing the verbal equivalent of a swirley from your local school bully. It was actually pretty enjoyable. It was nothing that I hadn’t heard at that time, so I will write this from my current perspective, as the AB contribution to this split has absolutely grown on me.

The first few songs are pretty straightforward, and I think that’s definitely a good thing. If someone were to ask me what grindcore and death metal sounded like when combined, I would have them listen to Version 5.0bese. It’s the most logical amalgamation of the two genres. “Clottage Cheese” was the first track to stick out, mainly because of the hilarious opening sample. Honestly, the musical element doesn’t make any new developments until “Smells Like Fish… Tastes Like Chicken”. This song is a chugging monster, and I really wish it lasted longer than 45 seconds. Things go back to normal for the next song; just your archetypal deathgrind. Then, out of left field, comes a true, discernible riff! Hallelujah! The next song places more focus on the death metal side of things, giving a nice little break from the utter psychocity of everything . Then “Bloody Fucking Mess”  blows through the door and creates… well… a bloody fucking mess. This. Song. Grinds. Like, really goddamn hard. It may be riff-saladesque, but I like my grind to have guitar chord ADHD, so I’m fine with it. After this grotesque clusterfuck of core, “Disease Ridden Hole” creates total confusion in my already scrambled head. This riff is so simplistic, but so well written. It’s not the best song here, but it disorients me with its ease and effectiveness.

Anal Blast don’t necessarily bring anything new to the table, but they set a fantastic example of deathgrind throughout. If you like this style of music, and gross jokes about dicks and yeast infections, this is your band. There isn’t much diversity, but who the fuck cares? Their name is Anal Blast for Christ’s sake. If it doesn’t hit a spark with you immediately, give it a few listens. It’s a grower, not a shower. 1.75/5 Flushes. (Joe Note: Come on, man) This is a pretty obscure album. If you find it, definitely give it a purchase!

What do you all think? Are you a fan of immature jokes? Do the samples from Cephalic Carnage songs scare you when you reefer addicts are bonging it up? Me, Myself, and Irene was a funny, but Ace Ventura was better IMO. Wake the fuck up! Coffee beans aren’t the only thing you are going to be grinding!

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