Mini Reviews from Around the Toilet Bowl XVIII: Mini-Reviews in Haiku

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While it may be true that semi-beloved Toilet ov Hell writer Guacamole Jim doesn’t tend to write about metal, we keep him around because he has a pretty nice butt, which we have seen in its bare entirety. He’s also proven his worth in other way(s), including (but maybe limited to) his idea to run mini-reviews as a series of haikus. He thought of this all on his own, and I cannot stress enough how much Christian had nothing to do with it.

 

DHDeathhammer – Evil Power
Hells Headbangers | June 16, 2015

My buttfever breaks
After a postponed release
Thrash that’s worth the wait

— Masterlord

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NKNekromanteion – Cosmic Horrors [EP]
Iron Bonehead | June 19, 2015

I have one question
Do you enjoy Pseudogod?
If yes, you might dig

— Masterlord

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ABRAugust Burns Red – Found in Far Away Places
Who cares lol Productions | Who cares lol, 2015

This is still a band?
Hahahahahahaha
Hahahahaha

— Masterlord

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Deiphago Into the Eye of Satan
Hells Headbangers | August 7th, 2015

Filth and destruction
Maybe a little more grind?
I guess it’s early

— Christian

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Jute Gyte - Ship of Theseus - coverJute GyteShip of Theseus
Jeshimoth Entertainment | June 1st, 2015

Double canons? Fuck
All delectably dirty
Grime you know I love

— Christian

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coverPeste NoireLa Chaise-Dyable
La Mesnie Herlequin | April 28th, 2015

Not the best people
But the music is rill good
Sounds like chicken sex

— Christian

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Skinless | Skinless
Relapse Records | June 2, 2015

Rebirth into flesh
The flayers bring the riffage
Gift for house Bolton

W.

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PrionUncertain Process
Comatose Music | June 2, 2015

Deadly protein type
Breeds vi’lent, jammable death
Your brain bleeds and bangs

— W.

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Mare InfinitumAlien Monolith God
Solitude Prod. | April 21, 2015

He is dead but dreams
A doomy pagan off’ring
Rise, O Great Old One

— W.

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ashofcedarsAsh of Cedars | Ash of Cedars
Handshake, Inc. | June 30th, 2015

Black metal EP
With a Southern Gothic twist
Handshake can not lose

— Edward

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Will Haven – Open The Mind To Discomfort
Artery Recordings | May 19th, 2015

Hardcore band maybe
Sludge industrial parts too
Crushes dicks in two

— Ron Deuce

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SGNLS - II

SGNLS | II
FDH Records | November 25, 2014

What the hell is this?
So eerie but so fresh. Well,
it’s a spooky groove.

— HessianHunter

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Abrahma Reflections In The Bowels Of A Bird
Small Stone Records | May 12th, 2015

Colours seep and flow
Time itself will seem to slow
Drink the cover art

– Lacertilian

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Discourse Sanity Decays
Closed Casket Activities | January 27th, 2015

Meat and potatoes
Drums and bass sound good as fuck
Mosh mosh mosh mosh mosh

– Joe Thrashnkill

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Coathanger Abortion Observations of Humanity
Comatose Music | April 17th, 2015

This album is aight.
I mean – it’s not like, awesome.
But it’s aight I guess.

– Joe Thrashnkill

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Big Moe City of Syrup
Wreckshop | July 18th, 2000

All I want to do
Is bang Screw in the dirty
Third. City of Syrup.

– Joe Thrasnkill

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