Premiere: Finis – Visions of Doom

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Hey there, you new here? Oh, looks like you found the coffee and brownies in the rec room. Good, good. Say, you look nervous. Don’t worry, we all were at first. Hell, some of us still are. Just take a breath, grab a seat, and listen. You don’t have to share this time if you don’t want to. Everyone deals with Visions of Doom differently, and we all get there in our time. But we get there in the end. Oh look, the meeting’s about to start. Well, new friend, I’m pleased as hell to welcome you to your first meeting of the Three Step Visions of Doom program. You’re in for a special treat, as it looks like Finis will be our moderator tonight!

FINIS: Alright, since we have several new extreme metal addicts in the crowd, I think it will be helpful to walk through the Three Steps again before we hear any testimonials. Okay, from the top, people.

My big, dumb brain is nothing but “Temple Stones”
But with proper alignment, I can receive “Visions of Doom”
That my loins might burn all the brighter, like “Fosforos”

Oh, Todd, you wanna come up and talk about the first step? Thanks!

Temple Stones

TODD: Hi everyone, I’m Todd, extreme metal addict. {HI, TODD!} I’ve been an extreme metal addict for, gosh, 13 years now! Can you believe that? Anyway, I just can’t get enough. I love blast beats. I love scabrous, slightly strained vocals over hard rocking riffs! I love the way deeply rumbling drums rattle my big, dumb brain as if it were nothing but “Temple Stones” shaking within a crumbling edifice. I love the way songs like this just ramble and rumble for longer than you expect with oddly meditative percussion while that lead guitar just buuuuuurnssss. Awww yeah, I love that.

FINIS: Errrm, Todd, you’ve just been gaping into the distance as if you can see a holy place built by a Cult of Fire crumbling into dust and ash. Maybe you should take a seat. Uhhh, who would like to give the next testimonial? Oh, Emily! Come on up!

Visions of Doom

EMILY: Okay, so, I was 18 years old when I first experienced the Visions of Doom. It was a deeply sensual experience, like a primal shake that took over my body and just compelled me to convulse my whole head and neck in a banging fashion when those riffs hit. I suppose that’s when I truly became an addict, but it was years later that I realized the Germans really give you the gnarliest headbangs. You know what I mean, when those tight as hell tremolo leads divebomb into the Irkallian Oracle riffs banging Metallica‘s bell from “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” giving you the real-bad-but-oh-so-good vibes that make you just want to crawl up inside that flaming solo and watch the world burn as all the little piss-ants march their way to the end of the universe? Yeah, those are the “Visions of Doom” I mean. Okay, I’m done now!

FINIS: Uh, thanks Emily. I suppose if you weren’t already addicted to the dark German stuff, you probably want to try it now, huh? Well, looks like we have time for one more testimonial. Anyone? Lloyd? Okay, come on up!

Fosforos

LLOYD: Hi, I’m Lloyd, and I’ve been a death metal addict for about as long as I can remember. {BUT WHAT ABOUT BLACK METAL?} Oh, I like black metal too! I especially like it when black metal riffs and vocals coil themselves around death metal drums and earthy bass tones to create a really gloomy, mephitic atmosphere. And I really, really like it when bands are confident enough to drop out the vocals and let their creepy musicianship breathe hot “Fosforos” down your spine. It really gets down in you and burns you from the inside out and make you want to just stab play and keep huffing that burning cloud in, you know? And you’re just lying there in a daze with your eyes glazed over and your mouth on fire and those brooding drums just keep rumbling in the deep while the tongues of flaming leads just keep pouring out and over and through, you know? Yeah. Emily said it best. Gnarly as hell. I’m a death metal addict, and I like it dark and heavy.

FINIS: Why do I get the feeling we aren’t helping any of these weirdos get over their extreme metal addictions. Oh well. Let’s get gnarly.


Visions of Doom drops Friday, July 6th. If you’re hopelessly addicted to the nasty stuff, you can pick it up on Iron Bonehead’s website. Keep an eye on Bandcamp and Facebook too!

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