RIFF OV THE WEEK: 1/3/15

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Your break is nearly over. Soon you’ll be back to the grind. And not the good kind of grind, either. It’s the shit kind of grind, and it’s going to suck out your soul. The best thing you can do now is to end it on a good note and spend these precious hours filling your earholes with riffs. 

Last week was TovH’s 2014 Riff ov the Year, and I’m pleased to report that:

I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won I won!

Thank you all. This will go down in history as my greatest and only accomplishment.

Second place goes to some fucking chump who didn’t get as many votes as me.

 

BUSINESS:

  •  Next week, by kickass decree of Simon Phoenix, we’re doing fade out riffs. It’s exactly what it sounds like – they must be riffs that fade out at the end of the song. 
  • Send your fade out riffs to toiletovhell@gmail.com. Include your name.
  • If you have a good idea for a theme, be more like Simon Phoenix and OUT WITH IT. There are no wrong answers unless your idea is stupid.
  • Each one of you is special.

________

 

**BEFORE WE BEGIN, PLEASE BE AWARE THAT ONE VIDEO BELOW DISPLAYS NSFW ALBUM ART**

 

Masterlord

With the right tone and the right production, you can turn a simple and straightforward riff into pure nunslaying, headbanging evil. This kills. Turn it up and start it around 0:14.

 

Jack Bauer

I’m gonna have to go with Abysmal Dawn for another Riff of the Week submission because GOD DAMN THIS RIFF IS SEXY. These guys know how to write riffs, man. It starts out the song so I don’t need to provide the Masterlord with a time.

 

Zeke… or Isaac; whatever

Before Sentenced turned into a euro-metal/rock band, they put out what I consider to be two of the best melodic death metal albums ever.  This style would probably be considered “Gothenburg” death metal nowadays, but Sentenced were way more aggressive and nihilistic than any of those lifeloving Gothenburg bands (excluding Dissection of course).  Riff starts at about the 50 second mark.

 

Brock Samson

Time for a little bump and grind.  Start at 0:51.

 

Xan

Though this album was mostly boring drivel, I found the riff starting at 0:35 in “Kill the Elite” to be exceptional. It reoccurs several times during the song.

 

Max

Let’s lose our flesh with Dismember. Dismember are one of those bands where each riff is its own distinct entity; you actually don’t have to necessarily listen to the whole song to “get the vibe”. In fact, if you took a whole Dismember album and chopped it up to rearrange the riffs randomly, it’d probably still be just as good to listen to – and make as much sense. That’s because they almost never change key, or tone, or scale, or… vibe.

Anyway, this one’s between 1:22 and 1:48.

 

Kim Jong Un Oozes Beef Stew

I don’t even know where to start with all the riffs Galneryus has, but sit back at the 2 minute mark and stand in fucking awe!

 

Nordling Rites ov Karhu

Amoral’s story is a strange one. Beginning near the change of the century they played tech-death. After their meh-inducing debut they began to slip into a more death/thrash direction with better results. But the biggest change happened right before album number 4. They hired Finnish Idols-winner Ari Koivunen as their vocalist and descended into power metal. Now, for the most part Koivunen was a weak Tony Kakko cover-version and the albums didn’t exactly shine enough to shake off the cries of their old fan-legions now abandoning them. Until, on the year of our lord 2014, they put out Fallen Leaves & Dead Sparrows. The best prog rock/metal record of the year. Koivunen steps up his game and brings forth more emotion, instead of the Ripper Owens-syndrome of mechanistic outpour. “Prolong A Stay” has one particularly catchy riff featured, at multiple locations, 2:25 being one. This song, and album won me over and made me a fan.

 

Johnny Crunch

I love the main riff that drives this song but a special mention goes to the riff that kicks in at 2:31.

 

George Lynch

I hate to flaunt my own badassness, by the following riff is the cat’s ass! Dokken’s version of “Mr. Scary” off their Back for the Attack LP is clutch. The riffs are flashy, digestible, and worthy of multiple and sizable public boners. However, the album version of the song is tamed down such that GL himself could repeatably play der riffs. Tamed down is not what I am all about, people! Of all the videos I have seen of GL laying down the law/riffs on slackjaw-posers, this takes the possum’s pouch. The ferocity of his presentation (in the video I am about to present, shot in 2012) is second to none. This weeks riff starts at 3:13 and runs until 3:15. Make sure to pay attention, the riff does not last long! Also, this is an actual riff guys, not a whole GOD DAMN song. So flush the posers who say things like “der main riff in this song is sooo goood.” Oh yeah? The main riff? Which one of the 5 main riffs are you talking about? FLUSH. #stayGLmafucker

 

Howard Dean

From the godfathers of the orthodox underground, Malign. The main riff in this song is glorious. Hallelujah! That guitar tone could kill a man – and probably has. Riff starts at the beginning of the track.


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