Testament Want You To Place A New Order

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The thrash legends are going to take you into the future with their amazing new metal marketing range!

Chuck Billy’s Custom Herbal Vape Range

In early 2015, iconic TESTAMENT vocalist Chuck Billy introduced his Signature Herbal Vaporizer pen, “The Chief”, by Lord Vaper Pens. In a time when most herbal smoking products and accessories were being marketed towards urban and hip-hop audiences, Chuck wanted to release a pen that HARD rockers and METALHEADS alike could call their own. Now it’s time to PRACTICE WHAT YOU PUFF as Chuck Billy and Lord Vaper Pens are thrilled to introduce two expanded collections – “The Chief” Signature Series, which will include a pipe (“Tomahawk”), an Oil Cartridge Battery (“Dream Catcher”), and a 2-in-1 Vaporizer (“War Drum”), and “The Chief of Thrash!” merchandise line, which will include unique t-shirts, drawstring bags, mousepads, dog tags, phone cases, coasters and more!

THE CHIEF Signature Series is a collection of high quality products that are built to last, with a one year warranty on each. Each item in the series features an ergonomic design tailored for maximum discretion, great hand-feel, healthy consumption, and ease of use/cleaning.

TOMAHAWK – a unique cone-shaped pipe with a completely enclosed Pod combustion chamber, giving it a look and functionality that’s totally discreet.

DREAM CATCHER – the ultimate in oil cartridge protection, completely enclosed in a spring-loaded top cover.

WAR DRUM – a 2-in-1 Vaporizer called the “War Drum”, that once again features beautiful styling and a unique design that’s compact enough to fit in the palm of your hand for totally discreet consuming.

Gene Hoglan’s Atomic Timepiece

Never miss a beat with one of these exciting new Gene ‘The Atomic Clock’ Hoglan wrist watches. Featuring an innovative futuristic design, these watches are lightweight but HEAVY duty. Created for the consumate professional time-keeper, these are not mere everyday watches, they are prestigious time-pieces. Each ATOMIC CLOCK comes strapped with a black leather band that’ll perfectly match your favourite wristband and spikes, ensuring you’re always in time and on-point. Be sure to SNARE one of these and RIDE the snake in ultimate STYLE!

Alex Skolnick’s Felted Flexi-Fedora

When you’re on the road, you want to look your best, STYLE simply cannot be compromised, and now with Alex Skolnick’s flexi-fit fedora range, there’s no need to. For years the bane of the touring jazz-fusion guitarist has been how to fit your extensive array of accoutrements in the cramped confines of carry-on luggage. Forget flattened fedoras, pancaked pork pies hats, and trounced trilbys, the flexi-fit felted fedora range from Off-Kilter Kit™ brings a new level of comfort to premium headwear. The patented microfibre felt is a MAJOR breakthrough in textile technology and allows these hats to be DISTORTED into any shape you need without having their form DIMINISHED in any way. These flexi-fit fedoras are as agile as Alex is on the fingerboard and always stay CLEAN no matter how dirty your tone.

Eric Peterson’s Cryptocurrency

Create your own LEGACY with this exciting new economic opportunity courtesy of Testament and crypto-kings PRiVCY. We all know bankers have SOULS OF BLACK, so why continue to fund their BROTHERHOOD OF SNAKES? Join THE NEW ORDER of world finance with Testament’s very own cryptocurrency. Buck the trend and trade in your DEMONIC dollars for something safer. Guaranteed to get you the best BANG for your buck, whether it be purchasing a sweet sword, your fave vape juice, or a new fedora, Testament cryptocoin is the future! Get in on the LOW ground level cost now and watch your balance RISE UP!

TESTAMENTvocalist Chuck Billy says, “When creating TESTAMENT music, we always use the latest technology. It’s something that we insist on. And we like to be the first to use anything that’s new, cutting-edge and cool. Cryptocurrency is something that we’re excited about. We dig their technology, vibe, attitude and commitment to be the best privacy coin in the world. Our goal is to enable fans around the world to buy TESTAMENT music and merchandise with the PRiVCY coin.”

TESTAMENT guitarist Eric Peterson says, “Cryptocurrency is something we’ve been very interested in for a while now, so when we were presented with the opportunity to work with PRiVCY, we jumped on it right away. They not only have a hard-working and innovative crypto team but they also like metal, so they’re our kind of people.”

Steve DiGiorgio’s Signature ‘Fret Less’ Forge Sword Set

Testament’s axe-wielder turned self-taught samurai shredder Steve DiGiorgio has converted his passion for carving up fretless fretboards into studying the BLADE. Each DiGiorgio ‘Fretless‘ has been individually handcrafted, signed, numbered, and matches the exact specifications offered by T. Mashiryu himself. Containing a high carbon STEEL blend, the blade is a cut-above in not only design but also quality. Each sword comes replete with a matching engraved full-length sheath containing some original ornate artwork from a traditional forge. The unique T-shaped hilt was modelled after the band’s famous TESTAMENT logo font and gives the blade an unquestionably METAL feel, in more ways than one. ‘Fret less, with a Fretless’.

Right now, if you place an order for ALL FIVE of these exciting products you’ll receive TWO of them immediately, a bonus TESTAMENT black duster/trenchcoat, and the other THREE will never arrive because they don’t exist.
Can you guess which ones are REAL funny and which are REAL jokes?

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