This Toilet Tuesday (4/7/15)

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It’s been three months since you spontaneously began losing weight. You’re completely baffled as to why; you haven’t been exercising any more than usual, and you haven’t really changed your diet. In fact, you’ve been taking in more calories the past month than you had be prior in an effort to stifle the continued weight loss. It hasn’t helped; you’re still almost 30 pounds lighter than where you started, and you’ve been growing sicker each day. Now, finally, you’ve managed to get an appointment with your doctor. He’s asked you for a stool sample, and you sit impatiently on a hospital toilet waiting for a bowel movement.

Eventually, you feel it coming and you give a mighty push. A couple drops of foul-smelling liquid drip into the water, but nothing more comes. You can feel something still there, so you push again. Something is definitely coming out, but it doesn’t feel quite right. Confused, you glance down between your legs. You immediately regret your decision; hanging from your anus just above the water is a translucent, paper thin, inch wide… thing. You let out a pitiful whimper and grab a pair of latex gloves from above the sink. You raise yourself up to a squat and begin gently pulling the parasite out. You gag as you feel it slide through your bowels and pull a little faster. The next five minutes feel like five hours, but you finally reach the end and drop it into the toilet. You look down into the bowl again, where a 12-foot tapeworm now rests at the bottom. Victorious, you slump into the corner and pass out.

Soldier on through the strife on this glorious Toilet Tuesday.


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Malthusian – Below the Hengiform (Invictus Productions) [Death/Doom]
Listen to “Forms Become Vapour” (Read the review)

Blackened death doom isn’t just the most fun genre to say these, but also one that is burgeoning. One of the best things to come out of this bleak and filthy movement is Malthusian. Their new EP, Below the Hengiform, is everything you could want from the band. It takes their sound and amplifies. Everything is nastier, deathier and doomier than it was on MMXIII, if that is even possible. I don’t know what the hell a Hengiform is, but I’m excited to be below it. (Leif Bearikson)


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Byzantine – To Release is to Resolve (Independent) [Progressive Thrash]
Stream

Byzantine pulled a pretty convincing Lazarus maneuver with their self-titled album from 2012. It was great hearing those choice riffs and soulful vocals again. However, the reunion was short-lived as lineup changes have plagued the gang since their return. Unfortunately, To Release Is to Resolve seems to have suffered a bit as a result in terms of consistency. Still, as has always been the case with this band, when they’re on, they’re really on. Longtime fans and thrashheads will certainly find plenty to enjoy here. FFO: Satyrasis, Revocation, Soilwork (W.)


shroud eater

Shroud Eater – Face the Master (Primitive Violence) [Doom]
Stream

Pull on your waders, cuz we’re going swamp-crawlin’. Erupting onto the scene in 2009, Florida muckrakers Shroud Eater quickly made a name for themselves by dealing in a surprisingly Georgian blend of psychedelic sludge that never eases up on the aggression for artistic flair. This new EP is a killer pair of leather-backed tracks of reptilian heaviness, and fans of the sludge scene will not be disappointed. My only complaint is that we only get two tracks. Give me more! FFO: Kylesa, High on Fire, early Baroness (W.)


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Minsk – The Crash and the Draw (Relapse Records) [Sludge]
Listen

Do you like post-metal? I do. For any fan of the aforementioned genre Minsk’s latest was probably one of the years most anticipated releases. Minsk carries on with a new line-up and returns to the game with a bang. Or so they’d like you to believe. It’s post-metal, so there’s bound to be dense atmosphere and well-used ambiance as well as the Incantations Towards The Most Holy Riff. All of these Minsk handles well and despite it’s extensive length it never gets boring. This is a very powerful run-of-the-mill album by one of post-metal’s greats. That’s right, it’s great but exactly the kind of great you’d expect from such seasoned masters of their trade. Perhaps it’s down to the personnel changes (one way or another) but The Crash & The Draw is still very regular in it’s magnificence and that proves it’s fatal flaw. (Karhu)


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Délétéré – Les Heures de la Peste (Sepulchral Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Laudes – Credo II”

Apparently there are two Quebecian black metal bands called Deletere. You’ll be wanting to check the one releasing Les Heures de la Peste on the 7th. It’ll be their debut and they’ll be releasing a compilation of their demos on the same date as well. There are no factors that would put Les Heures… miles ahead of its peers, except it being so solid an album. Foggy production compliments the rhythm guitar but leaves room for the more melodic lead guitar. Drums, vox and the audibility of the bass are black metal standard level but keys (and their use on the arpeggiated part on Laures- Credo II) make up for much. A great slab of darkness to the ever-increasingly-bright days. FFO: Glaciation, Blackbeard and people with similar taste. (Karhu)


klone

Klone – Here Comes the Sun (Pelagic Records) [Post Metal]
Listen to “Immersion,” “Nebulous”

The fun part about the “post” tag is that it can tell you a lot, or it can tell you nothing at all. In the case of Klone, it accurately foresees the spacey-yet-heavy atmosphere that’s created in the song “Immersion,” but it doesn’t prepare you for how well they tie it together, or how well vocalist Yann Ligner can sing. I mean, this dude can SING. These guys aren’t knocking down the walls with something brand new here, but the big, expansive scope of the music, the spacious production, and the memorable vocal lines that soar over it all make for a distinctly compelling listen that I definitely see myself returning to. Fans of The Ocean or Caligula’s Horse should jam. (Stockhausen)


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Killer Refrigerator – The Fridge and the Power it Holds (Independent) [Progressive Death/Thrash]
Stream

Speaking of not knowing what to expect from a genre description, there isn’t a tag that quite sums up Killer Refrigerator. I mean, you read that band name and album title, right? And you saw the album cover? The only thing you can really expect here is that this band is probably going to friggin’ rule, and they know how to have fun. If you’re a fan of always frowning and using the term kvlt unironically, go ahead and skip this one. But if you like raucous, no-holds-barred thrashy death, wild vocal variety, and some serious technical flourishes (I drooled a little bit over that bass playing), then you’re in the right place. Chances are you also like fun, so song titles like “Slaystation” and “Slave To The Easy-Bake” won’t sway you, and a mid-album dramatic segment about attacking Godzilla with a spaghetti bomb will only add the experience. Have fun when listening to this band, because fun is better when it’s backed by serious ability and truly excellent tunes. (Stockhausen)


Agnostic Front – The American Dream Died (Nuclear Blast) [Hardcore]
Stream

Anachronism – Reflecting the Inside (Independent) [Death Metal]
Listen

Anoxide – Purge the Idols of Illusion (Independent) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Omnicsient”

Apophys – Prime Incursion (Metal Blade) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Requiem for the Absurd”

Argus – Death Hath No Conscience (Cruz del Sur) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Death Hath No Conscience”

Black Mountain Thunder – Lost Souls in a Godless World (Depressive Illusions) [Death/Doom]
Listen to “Thunderhead”

Black Royal – The Summoning Pt. 1 (Independent) [Doom]
Preview

Christgrinder – Whence Cometh Evil? (Independent) [Blackened Death]
Listen to “Necrodegenrate Phallus Envenomation”

Denizen – Troubled Waters (Argonauta Records) [Stoner/Hard Rock]
Listen to “Enter Truckman”

Distances – Forage & Reproduce (Independent) [Post-Metal]
Stream

Dormant Inferno/Dionysus – Beyond Forgotten Shores (Transcending Obscurity) [Doom]
Stream

Ether – Hymns of Failure (Sepulchral Productions) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Coldness”

Forward Unto Dawn – Alpha (Independent) [Metalcore]
Listen

The Grotesquery – Curse of the Skinless Bride (Cyclone Empire) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Downfall – It’s All Gone to Hell”

Gut Absorber – Gore Rock (Bret Hard/Silenced Soul) [Groove/Death Metal]
Listen to “The Butcher”

Impalers – God from the Machine (Crime Records) [Thrash]
Listen to “Future Void”

Kotiteollisuus – Kruuna/Klaava (Megamania) [Heavy Metal]

Lancer – Second Storm (Despotz Records) [Power Metal]
Listen to “Conexao”

Mythological Cold Towers – Monvmenta Antiqva (Nuktemeron Productions) [Death/Doom]
Preview

Neversun – Archaic Interpretation of Freedom (Bret Hard/Silenced Soul) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Morbid Passion”

Oshiego – Crossing the Bridge of Siraat (Horror Pain Gore Death) [Brutal Death]
Listen to “Crossing the Bridge of Siraat”

Royal Thunder – Crooked Doors (Relapse Records) [Doom/Prog]
Listen

Skyforger – Senprusija (Thundeforge Records) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “Ramava”

Speaker Eater – Ships Out of Water (Minnesconsin Records) [Doom/Sludge]
Listen to “Terraforms”

Svartgren – Prazan Grob (Zero Dimensional) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Prazan Grob”

Tales for the Unspoken – CO2 (Raising Legends) [Melodeath]
Listen to “Burned Alive”

Veld – Daemonic: The Art of Dantalian (Lacerated Enemy) [Death Metal]
Listen

Veratrum – Mondi Sopsesi (Beyond… Productions) [Blackened Death]
Listen to “Davanti alla Verita”

Wilderun – Sleep at the Edge of the Earth (Independent) [Folk Metal]
Listen to “The Garden of Fire”

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Photos VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA and VIA)

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