{"id":113082,"date":"2022-04-05T11:00:03","date_gmt":"2022-04-05T16:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/?p=113082"},"modified":"2022-04-05T09:46:30","modified_gmt":"2022-04-05T14:46:30","slug":"record-swap-rolderathis-vs-theophrastus-bombastus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/record-swap-rolderathis-vs-theophrastus-bombastus\/","title":{"rendered":"Record Swap: Rolderathis VS. Theophrastus Bombastus"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Welcome back to Record Swap<\/a>, where adversaries do battle in the aural arena of beloved albums. The orders issued forth are so simple even you <\/em>can understand: select a record, one unknown to your foe, and attempt to harvest the crops of their commendations. Who will reign supreme when the din dies down? The aspiring alchemist, or the Horatian hooter? In this edition, Rolderathis<\/strong> and Theophrastus Bombastus<\/strong> create volatile chemistry with albums from Hello Meteor<\/strong> and Hamfer\u00f0<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

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Rolderathis\u2019 Assignment: Hello Meteor<\/strong> – Comfortable Loneliness<\/h3>\n

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I wanted to give our fine feathered friend something unconventional for this swap. Though I love extreme music, and I know Roldy is a steadfast defender of maximalist metal both brutal and gleaming, man (and owl) cannot live on bread alone. I decided to take a left turn and offer him something soothing and even treacly. What would he say, I wondered, if I gave him a chillwave album that approached easy listening? For me, music like this offers a welcome refractory period from howls, grunts, and REEEEEEs. Let’s see what Rolderathis has to say about this lush soundscape. –<\/strong><\/em>TheoBomb<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I open my eyes and see a marble statue of a woman standing before me. A spear rests on her shoulder, and her eyes watch me from within a bronze helmet.<\/p>\n

“Who are you? How’d I get here?” I ask.<\/p>\n

“I’m Athena, Greek goddess of wisdom, crafts, and warfare. You’re dead. My notes state that…” she says, pulling a small notepad from her meticulously chiseled robes, “you listened to Cormorant<\/strong> for 96 hours straight without drinking any water. This is Heaven,” she says, gesturing behind her towards a door of shimmering lights.<\/p>\n

“Drat. Isn’t the concept of Heaven referred to as Elysium in Greek mythology, though?”<\/p>\n

“It’s called kitsch<\/em>, little owl<\/a>. Didn’t you write for a blog called the Toilet ov Hell back on Earth?”<\/p>\n

“Solid rebuttal. Alright, let’s get on up in them pearly gates I guess.”<\/p>\n

She guides me through the opalescent doorway to the greatest bounty I’ve ever seen.<\/p>\n

Golden trees grow to the horizon, and all around, the euphonious tones of Hello<\/strong> Meteor<\/strong>‘s Comfortable Loneliness <\/em>ring out. I look to Athena for permission\u2014she gently prods me with her spear, and I stumble in disbelief towards the forest.<\/p>\n

As I approach the shining boughs, my feathers begin crystallizing; a frightening prospect, becoming entirely translucent. Luckily, a fellow owl is there to greet me. He plucks a live muskrat from a low-hanging branch and holds it out to me.<\/p>\n

“Hello friend, don’t worry about the new duds. That’s just part of listening to the -wave genres. You only really need to be concerned if you start seeing everything in color gradients. Plus, you can do this, which is pretty fun.” He licks the edge of his wing and brushes it in a circle on top of my head, producing a loud whistle.<\/p>\n

The muskrat is delicious; by the sheen of its watertight pelt, I can tell it had just been out for a swim. The bubbling arpeggios and pellucid synths of “Empty Rec Center” and “Dusk Weather” are perfect accoutrements to this first course. Choral vocals and compact, muted drums give way to something more propulsive as I stroll to the next aisle of trees. Another owl, this one adorned in fake dreadlocks and spike bracelets (all neon, mind you) is there to greet me.<\/p>\n