{"id":121827,"date":"2024-03-08T09:10:59","date_gmt":"2024-03-08T15:10:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/?p=121827"},"modified":"2024-03-08T09:10:59","modified_gmt":"2024-03-08T15:10:59","slug":"review-aborted-vault-of-horrors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/review-aborted-vault-of-horrors\/","title":{"rendered":"Review: Aborted<\/b> – Vault of Horrors<\/i>"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

The doctor said my mom should’ve had an Aborted<\/strong>!<\/p>\n

You ever feel completely out of your depth being a metal fan? Like one of those dreams where you are late for an exam, except you didn’t study or attend class all semester, you can’t find the classroom, and you also forgot to wear pants somehow? I swear it must be some kind of latent PTSD that stems from how much pressure my parents put on me to do well in school, but that’s kinda how I feel around seasoned metalheads sometimes. They seem to have the entire history of metal music packed into their brains, and I feel entirely unequipped for the questions they might ask.<\/p>\n

One of the first times I went to Maryland Deathfest a guy asked me and my friend what our favorite Iron Maiden<\/strong> record was. My friend immediately replied “Powerslave<\/em>“, and I was too embarrassed to admit I’d never listened to Iron Maiden. I’d only ever heard the track “Number of the Beast” via Tony Hawks Pro Skater 4. The guy looked at me and I just parroted Powerslave<\/em>, praying to Satan (the only holy power you are allowed to appeal to at MDF) that this guy wouldn’t follow up with, “What’s your favorite song on that record?”<\/p>\n

I was certain if my lack of knowledge were exposed, I’d be forcibly removed from the venue and banned from ever attending the festival again. Thankfully the guy just agreed that Powerslave<\/em> was indeed the best Iron Maiden record and the conversation moved on. Crisis averted! Determined to never be placed in that position again, I decided to do my homework! “What is<\/em> the best Iron Maiden record?” I asked myself. Upon listening, I discovered the unsettling truth. Fuck man, I don’t even like Iron Maiden…<\/em><\/p>\n

But hey, lesson learned. When you don’t know something, just say “I don’t know.” It’s honest, and when people are enthusiastic about a topic, they usually just take it as an opportunity to educate you. Unless you don’t know about cars. Then mechanics just use that against you to charge you more money. Is it too late to argue for more regulation within that industry? Probably have to save that for another article… For today, I reveal another unsettling truth about myself, I don’t know jack shit about Aborted!<\/p>\n