{"id":124078,"date":"2024-09-26T09:00:03","date_gmt":"2024-09-26T14:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/?p=124078"},"modified":"2024-09-26T08:12:01","modified_gmt":"2024-09-26T13:12:01","slug":"review-wind-rose-trollslayer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/review-wind-rose-trollslayer\/","title":{"rendered":"Review: Wind Rose<\/b> – Trollslayer<\/i>"},"content":{"rendered":"
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It’s better to ignore these things, but I couldn’t.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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First and foremost, I must say that this would never be something I\u2019d like. It\u2019s not for me. It\u2019s probably not for most of you. Is it fair to review things that, by definition, have no appeal to you? No. Am I so bored that I\u2019m going to do it anyway? Yes. Sorry.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The first track of Trollslayer<\/em> happens to be the second best, primarily because it has no lyrics. It\u2019s the first of two \u201c<Material> and <Material>\u201d tracks, titled \u201cOf Ice and Blood.\u201d It\u2019s a corny synth and epic horn thing that goes nowhere.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We then get into \u201cThe Dance of the Axes,\u201d the first of three \u201c<Blank> of the <Blank>\u201d track titles, which is the riveting story of spirits in a dwarven mine that wait a long time to be resurrected to fight again, or something like that. A handful of the verses go with the AABB rhyme scheme, except when they forget, then it\u2019s just whatever. Many of the verses also follow a theme of starting with some word repeated three times, starting with \u201cDown, down, down\u201d and then right after, \u201cDeep, deep, deep\u201d because if there\u2019s one thing this album loves doing, it\u2019s reminding you that dwarves live beneath the surface<\/strong>. These lyrics are driven by a speedy, galloping rhythm with a melody repeated so often that it becomes catchy by pure brute force.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lyrics mentioning an underground habitat counter<\/strong>: 3<\/span><\/p>\n

The next track starts with the word \u201cUnderground\u201d so you know it will be good. Sadly, these dwarves don\u2019t have much food for “The Great Feast Underground”, as no solid consumables are mentioned. Instead, we get this chorus that is the delight of every live venue owner across the land:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Alcohol!
\n<\/span>We’re drinking alcohol!
\n<\/span>Until Tomorrow Comes
\n<\/span>We’re drinking alcohol!
\n<\/span>And when tomorrow comes
\n<\/span>We’ll drink more alcohol<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Insightful stuff. It\u2019s a song about drinking a lot of beer. It\u2019s also one of the more annoying vocal performances, not my favorite.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lyrics mentioning an underground habitat counter<\/strong>: 6<\/span><\/p>\n

I honestly had no idea what \u201cRock and Stone<\/a>\u201d was about until they just randomly dropped the name Bosco in the lyrics, which led me to find it\u2019s about a co-op FPS called Deep Rock Galactic, in which you are a space dwarf who mines. Is this whole album about this game, or is this the only song where the dwarves are space dwarves? I need answers. The music is pretty generic.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lyrics mentioning an underground habitat counter<\/strong>: 11<\/span><\/p>\n

Starting hot again with the word \u201cBeneath,\u201d “To Be a Dwarf”<\/a> is yet another song about tunneling and fighting for your dwarven brothers. While the whole album has felt like AI thus far, and tons of lyrics didn\u2019t pass the smell test, it\u2019s here where I stopped giving them the benefit of the doubt:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I will be the fire of the morning light (I swear!)
\n<\/span>I will be the white of the mountain high (I swear!)
\n<\/span>I will be the hammer beating on the anvil
\n<\/span>To be a dwarf, it’s an oath we swearing us all<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

You will be the fire, sure, but the white? Huh? And, of course, that last line is very well constructed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lyrics mentioning an underground habitat counter<\/strong>: 14<\/span><\/p>\n

The second \u201cof the\u201d track in the series, \u201cHome of the Twilight,\u201d is a neverending barrage of sentence fragments that seem entirely unconnected. It\u2019s about dwarves returning home in a storm after a battle, and also it\u2019s dark. It can\u2019t help but use the phrase\u00a0 \u201cflash of a thunder,\u201d which thunder doesn\u2019t do. That would be lightning. Luckily, these phrases are thrown at you so fast that you can\u2019t think about them too hard.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lyrics mentioning an underground habitat counter<\/strong>: 15<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, we get to slay a troll in the title track! I was damn tired after 5 songs that were exclusively about dwarves living in tunnels, drinking, and fighting side-by-side\u2014generic dwarf shit. The song starts with a few references to Warhammer characters, so the lore is getting deeper now. I don\u2019t know anything about this universe besides painting the little guys looks fun, but I was very sad that the lyrics never get to any troll slaying.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Upon this night
\n<\/span>I will face the doom of the trollslayer
\n<\/span>Forever bound
\n<\/span>I will fight till the doom of the trollslayer is gone<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Huh? We\u2019re not fighting trolls, but fighting something else until \u201cthe doom of the trollslayer is gone?\u201d How long is that going to take? I have a doctor\u2019s appointment at three.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lyrics mentioning an underground habitat counter<\/strong>: 16<\/span><\/p>\n

The end of my made-up trilogy, \u201cLegacy of the Forge,\u201d is precisely about what you\u2019d think it would be about, and not one thing more. Dwarves make stuff in a forge.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lyrics mentioning an underground habitat counter<\/strong>: 17\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo More Sorrow\u201d opens with a guitar riff that wasn\u2019t picked out of a bargain bin, finally. Every second of this album is going for an \u201cepic\u201d vibe, which is insanely exhausting, but this song does it pretty well. Great vocal delivery on the chorus, no annoying melodies, just a good pseudo-ballad. Great job Wind Rose. And only a passing reference to living in a mountain? I won\u2019t even add to the counter.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

To their credit, only a few moments sound aggressively bad, and there are even a few riffs that I legitimately think are good and fun. There\u2019s a comfort-in-familiarity feeling to folksy instrumentals and call-and-response anthemic chants. I get it. But I don\u2019t. It\u2019s corny, and 90% of the time, it\u2019s so generic that it\u2019s indistinguishable from the AI tracks featured on this great episode of Toilet Radio<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Anyway, since I\u2019m objectively wrong, go see them at all these probably sold-out shows with Powerwolf<\/strong> and Hammerfall<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n