{"id":23198,"date":"2015-03-30T09:00:20","date_gmt":"2015-03-30T14:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.toiletovhell.com\/?p=23198"},"modified":"2015-03-30T09:22:11","modified_gmt":"2015-03-30T14:22:11","slug":"the-best-band-in-nevada-is-elephant-rifle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/the-best-band-in-nevada-is-elephant-rifle\/","title":{"rendered":"The Best Band in Nevada is Elephant Rifle"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Back in August we asked you to help us find the best unsigned bands in America<\/a>. After listening to hundreds of submissions, we finally narrowed down our pick for the most morally bankrupt state in the union. The best band in Nevada is Elephant Rifle.<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Alright teens. We need to talk. It’s important.<\/p>\n

*flips chair around backwards and sits down*<\/p>\n

Right now you’re going through some… changes. It’s OK! You can talk to me, I’m not like a normal adult. I’m a cool<\/em> adult. I was your age once, y’know. Back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*coughCOUGH*!<\/p>\n

*covers up bald spot with backwards baseball cap*<\/p>\n

We need to “rap” about your new interests. Just yesterday you kids loved getting all dirty and sweaty playing outside in mud puddles. Now, I’m afraid you’re all trying to get dirty and sweaty with… rock and roll music<\/em>. I know. I hear you kids talking when you think I’m not listening. All about your Black Flag<\/strong>s, and your Jesus Lizard<\/strong>s. Well let me tell you something gang, there’s only one Jesus you should be listening to. His last name is Jones and he had a moderately popular hit in 1991 with “Right Here, Right Now”<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I’m here today to warn you kids about the dangers of Elephant Rifle<\/strong>, a noise-y, rock-y, hardcore-y band out of Reno, Nevada. A.K.A THE DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND A.K.A Sin City Jr. A.K.A The Biggest Little City in the World. This band has taken the filthy template of sweaty rock bands like Les Savy Fav<\/strong> and early Nirvana<\/strong> and combined it with a chunk of filthy hardcore. I know that this depraved act will be a favorite of those that loved Bummer, the pick for best unsigned band in Kansas<\/a>. But is this really what you want to be listening to when Jesus comes? Seriously, he’ll be at the fair ground this weekend, and I’ll be damned if I’m missing him.<\/p>\n