{"id":25580,"date":"2015-04-28T15:00:37","date_gmt":"2015-04-28T20:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.toiletovhell.com\/?p=25580"},"modified":"2015-04-26T19:27:28","modified_gmt":"2015-04-27T00:27:28","slug":"kattah-vetus-espiritus-a-video-breakdown","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/kattah-vetus-espiritus-a-video-breakdown\/","title":{"rendered":"Kattah &#8211; Vetus Espiritus: A Video Breakdown"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"fb-root\"><\/div>\n<p align=\"LEFT\">I am your Vetus. I am your fire. Your desire.<\/p>\n<p align=\"LEFT\"><!--more-->I don&#8217;t believe in fate. I don&#8217;t think things happen for a reason. You can flip through a newspaper (or newz\/gossip blog if you prefer) and can see plenty of stories that make no sense in the grand scheme of things. That&#8217;s why I&#8217;m chalking up today&#8217;s Video Breakdown to randomness and blind luck. See, I&#8217;ve never heard of <strong>Kattah<\/strong> before doing this breakdown. Kattah is a Brazilian progressive metal band on Bakerteam Records. Sure, you know <strong>Bakerteam Records<\/strong>. Home of ummm <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=PUJYDe9otvQ\" target=\"_blank\">81db<\/a><\/strong>. And uhh <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=7x_QTi_DRAY\" target=\"_blank\">Knowing2Fly<\/a><\/strong>. <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=3GXXZrdAid4\" target=\"_blank\">Sawthis<\/a><\/strong>? Really? \u201cSawthis\u201d? Sure, okay.<\/p>\n<p align=\"LEFT\">I was scrolling through that screaming black hole known as Twitter a few days ago and saw a brief tweet announcing Kattah&#8217;s new video. When you follow lots of bands, labels, PR firms and the like, you&#8217;re bound to see a bunch of promotional tweets. Tour dates, albums, recording, merch, and, of course, videos. I saw the tweet and didn&#8217;t have any intention to click it, but something deep inside the recesses of my brain said, \u201cThis could be funny\u201d. Thank you, brain.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\"  style=\"display: block; margin: 0px auto;\"  id=\"_ytid_56820\"  width=\"320\" height=\"240\"  data-origwidth=\"320\" data-origheight=\"240\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Jzve44gLGmg?enablejsapi=1&#038;autoplay=0&#038;cc_load_policy=0&#038;cc_lang_pref=&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;loop=0&#038;modestbranding=0&#038;rel=1&#038;fs=1&#038;playsinline=1&#038;autohide=2&#038;theme=dark&#038;color=red&#038;controls=1&#038;\" class=\"__youtube_prefs__  epyt-is-override  no-lazyload\" title=\"YouTube player\"  allow=\"fullscreen; accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen data-no-lazy=\"1\" data-skipgform_ajax_framebjll=\"\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">0:01: Literally one second in and we&#8217;ve had about 5 jump cuts. Oy.<br \/>\n0:05: Whoa whoa whoa. Was that woman wearing a candelabra on her head?<br \/>\n0:09: Now I&#8217;m nauseous.<br \/>\n0:12: And now I&#8217;m suddenly feeling a whole lot better.<br \/>\n0:18: Well this is awkward. The singer and the lady are wearing the same thing.<br \/>\n0:21: What&#8217;s the point of doing vocals when you&#8217;ve got a schmatta covering half of you face.<br \/>\n0:26: I hope those aren&#8217;t real leather pants. Otherwise things are going to become rather&#8230;uncomfortable.<br \/>\n0:27: Stranger danger! Stranger danger!<br \/>\n0:32: Uhh, you&#8217;ve got a little something on your&#8230;eh nevermind.<br \/>\n0:37: They&#8217;ve got the chords. Now they just need to save up for amps.<br \/>\n0:43: He&#8217;s got the moves of an 83 year old grandma who just had a hip replacement.<br \/>\n0:48: Pro-tip: Wiggling your arms doesn&#8217;t count as belly dancing.<br \/>\n0:51: Serious missed opportunity not sticking the entire drum set in the water.<br \/>\n0:56: Oh, come on! Now you&#8217;re not even arm wiggling properly!<br \/>\n1:01: I hope they&#8217;re not in one of those places where the fish swim up your pee hole.<br \/>\n1:07: Props must be given to the location scout because at least the background is nice.<br \/>\n1:11: The spastic dancing is also nice, but for different reasons.<br \/>\n1:18: The singer must have serious back problems. He&#8217;s hunched over so much they should&#8217;ve shot this at the Notre-Dame Cathedral.<br \/>\n1:33: What the heck is going on with that white glove?<br \/>\n1:43: And his soul patch?<br \/>\n1:52: And why is only half of his shirt tucked in?<br \/>\n1:58: Requirements of belly dancer role: Huge bazumbas.<br \/>\n2:00: Experience in bellydancing not necessary.<br \/>\n2:10: Kattah: Now with random moist guitarist action!<br \/>\n2:19: \u201cHuuuzuuwut?\u201d<br \/>\n2:20: \u201cPatty cake, patty cake&#8230;\u201d<br \/>\n2:38: \u201cShe had man-hands.\u201d<br \/>\n2:42: Seriously, why is he wet in some of these shots?!<br \/>\n2:46: Camera&#8217;s over here, dude.<br \/>\n2:51: These themed parties are the worst. Last week it was \u201c80&#8217;s Sitcom Stars\u201d.<br \/>\n2:55: That&#8217;s a lovely shade of eyeliner, sir.<br \/>\n3:02: It really brings out the thickness of your eyebrows.<br \/>\n3:11: Can one of our South American readers confirm the existence of toilet paper headgear in Brazil?<br \/>\n3:16: The world needs to know about toilet paper headgear. Wave of the future!<br \/>\n3:22: Dude, stop staring or we&#8217;re going to kick you out of the video.<br \/>\n3:29: \u201cNyyyyaaaaah!\u201d<br \/>\n3:35: I don&#8217;t know what that little flourish was, but I am so glad they kept it in.<br \/>\n3:44: Ah, yes. The classic \u201cUp close shot of a woman&#8217;s back\u201d camera angle.<br \/>\n3:52: The sexual imagery is just too much to handle.<br \/>\n3:55: All that walking around in circles made him disoriented.<br \/>\n4:06: Ssssssssssssmokin!<br \/>\n4:10: \u201cI&#8217;m in it for the money. I&#8217;m in it for the money. I&#8217;m in it for the money.\u201d<br \/>\n4:17: \u201cHey, look at these!\u201d<br \/>\n4:20: She was made out of delicious fluffy nougat! Of course!<br \/>\n4:25: Sooooo did anyone know that they were vampires? Anyone?<br \/>\n4:31: The grass represents confusion.<\/p>\n<p align=\"LEFT\">So it wasn&#8217;t fate that brought me to Kattah, but sweet, sweet luck. I should probably go to Vegas and put a whole punch of money on black.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\" align=\"LEFT\"><em>Kattah&#8217;s album \u201cLapis Lazuli\u201d is out now via Bakerteam Records.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I am your Vetus. I am your fire. Your desire.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":29,"featured_media":25581,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[12,1806],"tags":[3714,2325,3713,856,1160,1558,4915],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/kattah-e1430062204485.jpg?fit=700%2C360&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25580"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/29"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25580"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25580\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25581"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25580"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25580"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25580"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}