{"id":2793,"date":"2014-08-13T09:00:04","date_gmt":"2014-08-13T14:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.toiletovhell.com\/?p=2793"},"modified":"2014-08-12T17:54:46","modified_gmt":"2014-08-12T22:54:46","slug":"metal-shark-week-were-going-to-need-a-bigger-boat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/metal-shark-week-were-going-to-need-a-bigger-boat\/","title":{"rendered":"Metal Shark Week: We’re Going to Need a Bigger Boat"},"content":{"rendered":"
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In case you live under a rock (or, like me, you don\u2019t have cable), I\u2019d like to inform you that it\u2019s Shark Week, the annual celebration of our aquatic brethren. Now, Discovery Channel\u2019s Shark Week special has totally jumped the shark, with scientifically unfounded, sensationalist mockumentaries, so I\u2019d like to draw your attention to NatGeo\u2019s Sharkfes<\/a>t, which is totally\u00a0radical and works to promote the protection and understanding of these amazing predators. However, despite the fact that you\u2019re more likely to be killed by a vending machine than by a shark<\/a>, sharks are still totally metal. With their armor-like skin, jagged teeth, and acute senses, sharks prowl the seas (and sometimes rivers if we\u2019re talking about bull sharks) looking for something to eat. Kill, eat, sleep, swim, mate. That\u2019s a pretty metal life. I suspect that a lot of you have city hands like Mr. Hooper, so get wet and dive into these shark-infested waters. Let the feeding frenzy begin.<\/p>\n

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Accept \u2013 Fast as a Shark (Restless and Wild, 1982)<\/strong><\/p>\n

I love everything about this song, from the kooky polka intro to the shrieked vocals. This song is a killer jam and one of the earliest uses of double-bass drums in metal that I can recall. Plus, it would be the best possible song for snorting coke before riding into battle on a great white while shooting harpoons at your enemies.<\/p>\n