{"id":29763,"date":"2015-07-01T11:00:53","date_gmt":"2015-07-01T16:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.toiletovhell.com\/?p=29763"},"modified":"2015-06-30T21:08:56","modified_gmt":"2015-07-01T02:08:56","slug":"more-adventures-in-crowdfunding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/more-adventures-in-crowdfunding\/","title":{"rendered":"More Adventures in Crowdfunding"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

I\u00a0dredge the sewery depths of the internet’s biggest panhandling platform so you don’t have to.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Kickstarter has proven time<\/a> and time again<\/a> that\u00a0having the ability to share your inspiration with a\u00a0global\u00a0audience\u00a0is a terrible fucking idea. If anything, people should have fewer ideas and share them with fewer people. Shame yourself a little more, silence that inner monologue that says “peeple will love this i have too tell evaryone lol!!1” and\u00a0flush your inspiration down the festering, foul, filthy and fetid toilet ov hell.<\/p>\n

\"noguitarmoney\"<\/p>\n

Guitar Fund for Broke College Metal Head to play free show<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The Good<\/strong>: “I love playing guitar.<\/em>” Well, there’s that I guess. He loves playing it so much that instead of making a video showing his skills and\/or dedication to his hobby of choice, he uploaded that shitty picture and asked\u00a0the entire internet for a mere $25 to buy one. This is the “potato salad<\/a>” method: 1) request\u00a0a pittance, 2) hope\u00a0it goes viral, 3) profit. But hey, he’s going to play a free show once he gets it! Isn’t that something you’d like to see?\u00a0One guy standing\u00a0alone onstage, belting out fuzzy,\u00a0unrecognizable\u00a0Avenged Sevenfold<\/strong> riffs while his parents hover in the shadows nearby because he told them it’ll ruin his chances of getting signed\u00a0after the third encore.<\/p>\n

The Bad<\/strong>: “I go to guitar center all the time to play their stuff, or at\u00a0least I did until they finally banned me for never buying anything.<\/em>” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, hey there you are<\/a>!<\/p>\n

The Lolbuttz<\/strong>: “I will find a guitar for as\u00a0little as $25 that I will mod into a tonal beast!<\/em>” Good news,\u00a0I found one in your price range<\/a>!\u00a0Make it a tonal beast! Good luck with your free show!<\/p>\n

——————–<\/p>\n

\"FNM_cover\"<\/p>\n

I’m bringing good music back! Fans of Faith No More rejoice!<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The Good<\/strong>: Oh thank fucking god, it’s about time. Okay everyone, breathe a sigh of relief, we can all relax now. Jettison your personal preferences: this guy’s got a plan to\u00a0bring, like, actually\u00a0good music back. Apparently it was gone, but thank almighty fuck this guy found it. It’s basically Faith No More<\/strong>, in case you were wondering. Man, remember when Angel Dust<\/em> came out? And it was, like, really good & stuff? It was like the “thinking man’s” music. So much better than the crap they play today, that’s for sure. Why does there have to be new music anyway? Why can’t they just play Angel Dust<\/em> on repeat forever? Beats me.<\/p>\n

The Bad<\/strong>:\u00a0For fans of modern\u00a0rock radio and sad dog<\/a> commercials.<\/p>\n

The best way to describe the music will be saying: think Faith No More! That band went beyond being pigeonholed into one category and is the epitome of diversity, creating some amazing music. Fans of Sevendust<\/strong>, Linkin Park<\/strong>, Lacuna Coil<\/strong>, Incubus<\/strong> and Sarah MacLachlan<\/strong> will also be very pleased.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The Lolbuttz<\/strong>:\u00a0“Make no mistake though, this project is 20 years in the making and it will be done!<\/em>” Awesome, another\u00a0one of these<\/a>!<\/p>\n

——————–<\/p>\n

\"reptilian_small\"<\/p>\n

Reptilian – Demons in Vein<\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The Good<\/strong>: Someone besides Rings of Saturn<\/strong>\u00a0is still using Guitar Pro… wait, that’s not good at all.<\/p>\n

The Bad<\/strong>:\u00a0Someone besides Rings of Saturn<\/strong>\u00a0is still using Guitar Pro. Also, with song names like “Archons in 4th Dimmension” and “War In Chaos Universe,” how have you not donated already? This kid needs $8000 stat!<\/p>\n

The Lolbuttz<\/strong>: What in the ever-loving fuck is that cover art<\/a> supposed to be? A shrink-wrapped placenta? A jello mold gone horribly wrong?\u00a0There are many filters in Photoshop that you can use to make a great image. Plastic Wrap is not one of them.<\/p>\n

——————–<\/p>\n

\"risendemon\"<\/p>\n

The Risen Demon\u00a0Band<\/strong><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

The Bad<\/strong>: Well you’re not going to find any instruments there.<\/p>\n

\"weareinthemists_long\"<\/p>\n

\"weareinthemists_short\"<\/p>\n

\"guyinthemists_sad\"<\/p>\n

The More Bad<\/strong>: Who knew those could even make music? Or that there was a “soon future”?<\/p>\n

\"munitions_long\"<\/p>\n

\"munitions_short\"<\/p>\n

\"munitions_sad\"<\/p>\n

The Lolbuttz<\/strong>: Given\u00a0their intelligent and well-reasoned\u00a0plea\u00a0for your hard-earned cash, they’re looking for ten goddamned thousand fucking\u00a0dollars to buy new gear. How else are these poor\u00a0munitions supposed to start their band in all that mist?\u00a0They should join forces with the $25 guitar guy and just start a Verb The Noun band already, like Mist The Munitions or Detonate The Fog or something. Drop the whole “risen demon” thing, the only demon here is poor grammar<\/a>.<\/p>\n

(images via<\/a> via<\/a>\u00a0| hat tip to yourkickstartersucks<\/a>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u00a0dredge the sewery depths of the internet’s biggest panhandling platform so you don’t have to.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":29764,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[724,403],"tags":[2058,1967,4371],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/funded_by_kickstarter_lolbuttz_small.jpg?fit=700%2C460&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29763"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29763"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29763\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/29764"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29763"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29763"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29763"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}