{"id":30158,"date":"2015-06-24T11:00:37","date_gmt":"2015-06-24T16:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.toiletovhell.com\/?p=30158"},"modified":"2015-06-23T22:31:13","modified_gmt":"2015-06-24T03:31:13","slug":"mini-reviews-from-around-the-toilet-bowl-xviii-haiku-reviews","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/mini-reviews-from-around-the-toilet-bowl-xviii-haiku-reviews\/","title":{"rendered":"Mini Reviews from Around the Toilet Bowl XVIII: Mini-Reviews in Haiku"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

While it may be true that semi-beloved Toilet ov Hell writer Guacamole Jim doesn’t tend to write about metal, we keep him around because he has a pretty nice butt, which we have seen in its bare entirety. He’s also proven his worth in other way(s), including (but maybe limited to)\u00a0his\u00a0idea to run mini-reviews as a series of haikus. He thought of this all on his own, and I cannot stress enough how much Christian had nothing to do with it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"DH\"Deathhammer<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>–\u00a0Evil Power
\n<\/a><\/em>Hells Headbangers<\/strong> | June 16, 2015<\/p>\n

My buttfever breaks
\nAfter a postponed release
\nThrash that’s worth the wait<\/p>\n

—\u00a0Masterlord<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"NK\"Nekromanteion\u00a0<\/strong>–\u00a0Cosmic Horrors<\/em> [EP]
\n<\/em>Iron Bonehead<\/strong>\u00a0| June 19, 2015<\/p>\n

I have one question
\nDo you enjoy\u00a0Pseudogod?
\nIf yes, you might dig<\/p>\n

—\u00a0Masterlord<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"ABR\"August Burns Red<\/b> –\u00a0Found in Far Away Places
\n<\/em>Who cares lol Productions | Who cares lol, 2015<\/p>\n

This is still a band?
\nHahahahahahaha
\nHahahahaha<\/p>\n

—\u00a0Masterlord<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/strong>Deiphago <\/strong>\u2013 Into the Eye of Satan<\/em>
\nHells Headbangers<\/strong> | August 7th, 2015<\/p>\n

Filth and destruction
\nMaybe a little more grind?
\nI guess it’s early<\/p>\n

—\u00a0Christian<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"JuteJute Gyte<\/strong> \u2013 Ship of Theseus
\n<\/em>Jeshimoth Entertainment <\/strong>| June 1st, 2015<\/p>\n

Double canons? Fuck
\nAll delectably dirty
\nGrime you know I love<\/p>\n

—\u00a0Christian<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"cover\"Peste Noire<\/strong> \u2013 La Chaise-Dyable
\n<\/em>La Mesnie Herlequin<\/strong> | April 28th, 2015<\/p>\n

Not the best people
\nBut the music is rill good
\nSounds like chicken sex<\/p>\n

—\u00a0Christian<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"\"Skinless<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0|\u00a0Skinless<\/a>
\n<\/em>Relapse Records<\/a><\/strong> | June 2, 2015<\/p>\n

Rebirth into flesh
\nThe flayers bring the riffage
\nGift for\u00a0house Bolton<\/p>\n

— W.<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"\"Prion<\/strong> |\u00a0Uncertain Process<\/a><\/em>
\nComatose Music<\/strong><\/a> | June 2, 2015<\/p>\n

Deadly protein type
\nBreeds vi’lent, jammable death
\nYour brain bleeds and bangs<\/p>\n

—\u00a0W.<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"\"Mare Infinitum<\/a><\/strong> |\u00a0Alien Monolith God<\/a><\/em>
\nSolitude Prod.<\/strong><\/a> | April 21, 2015<\/p>\n

He is dead but dreams
\nA doomy pagan off’ring
\nRise, O Great Old One<\/p>\n

—\u00a0W.<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"ashofcedars\"Ash of Cedars<\/strong> | Ash of Cedars<\/em>
\nHandshake, Inc.<\/strong><\/a> | June 30th, 2015<\/p>\n

Black metal EP
\nWith a Southern Gothic twist
\nHandshake can not lose<\/p>\n

—\u00a0Edward<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/strong>Will Haven<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0–\u00a0Open The Mind To Discomfort<\/em>
\nArtery Recordings<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0|\u00a0May 19th, 2015<\/p>\n

Hardcore band maybe
\nSludge industrial parts too
\nCrushes dicks in two<\/p>\n

—\u00a0Ron Deuce<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"SGNLS<\/p>\n

SGNLS<\/a><\/strong> | II<\/a>
\n<\/em>FDH Records<\/a><\/strong> | November 25, 2014<\/p>\n

What the hell is this?
\nSo eerie but so fresh. Well,
\nit’s a spooky groove.<\/p>\n

—\u00a0HessianHunter<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/strong>Abrahma<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>\u2013 Reflections In The Bowels Of A Bird<\/a><\/em>
\nSmall Stone Records<\/a><\/strong> | May 12th, 2015<\/p>\n

Colours seep and flow
\nTime itself will seem to slow
\nDrink the cover art<\/p>\n

\u2013 Lacertilian<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/strong>Discourse<\/a> <\/strong>\u2013 Sanity Decays<\/a><\/em>
\nClosed Casket Activities<\/a><\/strong> | January 27th, 2015<\/p>\n

Meat and potatoes
\nDrums and bass sound good as fuck
\nMosh mosh mosh mosh mosh<\/p>\n

\u2013 Joe Thrashnkill<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/strong>Coathanger Abortion<\/a> <\/strong>\u2013 Observations of Humanity<\/a><\/em>
\nComatose Music<\/a><\/strong> | April 17th, 2015<\/p>\n

This album is aight<\/span>.
I mean – it’s not like, awesome<\/span>.
But it’s aight I guess.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2013 Joe Thrashnkill
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

__________________<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/strong>Big Moe <\/strong>\u2013 City of Syrup<\/em><\/a>
\nWreckshop<\/strong> | July 18th, 2000<\/p>\n

All I want to do<\/span>
Is bang Screw in the dirty<\/span>
Third. City of Syrup<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u2013 Joe Thrasnkill
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

While it may be true that semi-beloved Toilet ov Hell writer Guacamole Jim doesn’t tend to write about metal, we keep him around because he has a pretty nice butt, which we have seen in its bare entirety. He’s also proven his worth in other way(s), including (but maybe limited to)\u00a0his\u00a0idea to run mini-reviews as a series of haikus. He thought of this all on his own, and I cannot stress enough how much Christian had nothing to do with it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":30162,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[70],"tags":[4322,4320,4327,4326,3002,2380,4325,1027,4319,4321,4324,4323],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/6-24.png?fit=711%2C460&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30158"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30158"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30158\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/30162"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30158"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30158"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30158"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}