{"id":40637,"date":"2015-12-21T13:00:46","date_gmt":"2015-12-21T19:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.toiletovhell.com\/?p=40637"},"modified":"2017-05-08T23:39:33","modified_gmt":"2017-05-09T04:39:33","slug":"a-very-special-bdubs-bro-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/a-very-special-bdubs-bro-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"A Very Special BDubs Bro Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

*iPhone alarm playing Steel Panther<\/a>\u00a0goes off at 2:45 PM*<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

*rolls out of bed still wearing Santa basketball shorts<\/a>*<\/p>\n

*changes into formal, afternoon basketball shorts*<\/p>\n

*texts daily coal roll meme to dad*<\/p>\n

*snacks on cold half-eaten Burger King<\/a>\u00a0thing on dresser*<\/p>\n

*stretches leg of basketball shorts to face to wipe mouth*<\/p>\n

*checks self out in mirror*<\/p>\n

\"broilookrippedbro\"<\/p>\n

HA HA GODDAMN I’M BEEFY, BRO! PURE MUSCLE MASS!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*makes duck\u00a0face at self in mirror, adjusts junk*<\/p>\n

*considers blasting porn to wake up roommates*<\/p>\n

*makes mental note\u00a0to blast porn to roommates later*<\/p>\n

*heads downstairs*<\/p>\n

*surveys remains\u00a0of last night’s party*<\/p>\n

\"broitsapartybro\"<\/p>\n

WHAT A FUCKIN’ PARTY, BRO!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*adds empty can to Bud Light tree<\/a>*<\/p>\n

*slams warm Monster Energy<\/a>\u00a0from moldy\u00a0cooler*<\/p>\n

*realizes it’s past Noon*<\/p>\n

*slams warm Corona from aforementioned\u00a0cooler*<\/p>\n

HA HA GROSS\u00a0BRO THIS SHIT SUCKS!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*walks to fridge, slams slightly less warm\u00a0Corona*<\/p>\n

CAFFEINE AND BEER\u00a0IS THE ULTIMATE ENERGY MIX, BRAH! WOOOO!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"brocoronabro\"<\/p>\n

*is now ready to start the day*<\/p>\n

*considers doing keg stand on own*<\/p>\n

*makes mental note to request keg stand assistance later*<\/p>\n

*checks Sportscenter, blasts Volbeat<\/a> from crappy phone speaker*<\/p>\n

*commends self for trying some non-American\u00a0music, adjusts junk*<\/p>\n

*has sudden craving for cheap\u00a0buffalo wings*<\/p>\n

HEY BROS I’M HEADING TO BDUBS TO TRY THOSE NEW MOUNTAIN DEW WINGS, BRO! SEE YOU FUCKIN’\u00a0TURDS LATER!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*opens garage, looks outside*<\/p>\n

\"browhatsallthisbro\"<\/p>\n

HOLY SHIT BRO HA HA WHO FUCKIN’ CARES I NEED ME SOME BDUBS! BROLO!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*hops in F-150 with LED\u00a0trucknutz<\/a>*<\/p>\n

*spins tires immediately and\u00a0fishtails dangerously\u00a0down\u00a0neighborhood streets*<\/p>\n

*clips several parked cars*<\/p>\n

*blasts awful Corey Taylor<\/a> song*<\/p>\n

HELL\u00a0YEAH LET’S GET DRUNK AT CHRISTMAS BRO<\/a>!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*pulls up to Buffalo Wild Wings*<\/p>\n

*ignores snowed-over\u00a0parking lines, somehow\u00a0parks across eight\u00a0spaces*<\/p>\n

*rolls down window to shout at family walking back to car*<\/p>\n

WOOOOOO!!! GET SOME, BRO!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

*adjusts\u00a0junk while walking through parking lot*<\/p>\n

*walks into womb-like warming glow of\u00a0Buffalo Wild Wings*<\/p>\n

\"broimherebro\"<\/p>\n

*pushes past\u00a0hostess, sits beneath largest TV screen*<\/p>\n

*orders all manner of shitty food*<\/p>\n

*slams Bud Light*<\/p>\n

*slams another Bud Light*<\/p>\n

*slams several fireball shots and a long island iced tea because why the fuck not*<\/p>\n

WOOO! HELL YEAH BRO!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*devours shitty food with ravenous drunken abandon*<\/p>\n

\"brothisshitistastybro\"<\/p>\n

*throws assorted sweaty $20 bills\u00a0on table\u00a0before bill arrives*<\/p>\n

*makes offhand comment about waitresses’ cleavage to nearby patron*<\/p>\n

GO TAP THAT SHIT MY BRO HA HA YEAH, I’M GONNA!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*isn’t gonna*<\/p>\n

*walks back to truck, notices worsening weather*<\/p>\n

\"broitsablizzardbro\"<\/p>\n

GODDAMN BRO WHAT THE FUCK HA HA GOOD THING MY TRUCK IS A FUCKIN’ BEAST! I’M GONNA\u00a0COAL ROLL THE SNOW AWAY!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*attempts to peel out of snowy parking lot, hits several other cars*<\/p>\n

*eventually makes way onto empty snow-covered roads*<\/p>\n

*is drunk, becomes lost in poorly-paved forested area*<\/p>\n

*lodges truck tires in snow drift*<\/p>\n

\"broimstuckbro\"<\/p>\n

AWW FUCK BRO!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*wastes remaining gas by\u00a0spinning tires for seventeen minutes*<\/p>\n

*opens glove box, slams emergency beer*<\/p>\n

*begins walking back to main road*<\/p>\n

*feels dropping temperatures, realizes poor choice of attire in basketball shorts*<\/p>\n

HA HA MY NUTS ARE FREEZING, BRO! I’M ALL LIKE BRRR<\/em> & SHIT!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*adjusts freezing junk*<\/p>\n

\"brothisiscrazysnowbro\"<\/p>\n

*trudges into woods through worsening snowfall*<\/p>\n

*loses direction completely*<\/p>\n

*remembers mental note\u00a0for a keg stand later*<\/p>\n

HA HA OH YEAH SWEET BRAH!<\/strong><\/p>\n

*can’t feel extremities, becomes disoriented*<\/p>\n

*hypothermia begins to set in*<\/p>\n

\"broitsgettingdarkbro1\"<\/p>\n

*slams final ultra emergency beer stashed in limited edition Cabo Wabo North Face jacket*<\/p>\n

*pees\u00a0initials in snow*<\/p>\n

Hhh… h-Ha ha, bRo…\u00a0HA Ha<\/strong><\/p>\n

*drifts off into\u00a0hypothermia-induced sleep*<\/p>\n

I mm- I maY n-noT EVen gEt My ch-chRIStmAs b-beej, bro… th… that f-fuCKin’ suc-sucks, b-b-brrrooo…<\/strong><\/p>\n

*sun sets, blizzard continues to rage*<\/p>\n

\"broitsgettingdarkbro2\"<\/p>\n

\"broitsgettingdarkbro3\"<\/p>\n

\"broitsgettingdarkbro4\"<\/p>\n

\"black\"<\/p>\n

\"black\"<\/p>\n

\"broitsmorningbro\"<\/p>\n

\"broimfrozenbro\"<\/p>\n

MERRY CHRISTMAS BDUBS BRO!<\/h1>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

_ _ _ _ _<\/p>\n

(images via<\/a>\u00a0via<\/a> via<\/a> via<\/a> via<\/a> via<\/a> via<\/a> via<\/a>\u00a0via<\/a> via<\/a>\u00a0via<\/a> via<\/a>\u00a0via<\/a>)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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