{"id":59380,"date":"2016-12-15T11:00:29","date_gmt":"2016-12-15T17:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.toiletovhell.com\/?p=59380"},"modified":"2016-12-15T09:01:07","modified_gmt":"2016-12-15T15:01:07","slug":"world-metal-news-metallica-tool-dso-khemmis-iced-earth-wwf-peter-jackson-and-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/world-metal-news-metallica-tool-dso-khemmis-iced-earth-wwf-peter-jackson-and-more\/","title":{"rendered":"World Metal News<\/b>: Metallica, Tool, DsO, Khemmis, Iced Earth, WWF, Peter Jackson, and more!"},"content":{"rendered":"
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There’s a\u00a0growing outrage over the phenomenon of “Fake News”. Fortunately, every news story you’re about to read is 100% true.<\/p>\n

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Metallica<\/strong> once again change the future course of metal, stunning the world by making the unprecedented move of releasing a full-length split with themselves.<\/p>\n

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A Spiral Autumnal<\/strong>\u00a0keyboardist\/flutist rallies against implementation of equal pay\/equal work for live concerts after only briefly featuring on latest album’s interlude tracks.<\/p>\n

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Long standing underground label Ruptured Records<\/strong> makes a month of profit for the first time in its history after hiring overnight internet shop bootlegger to handle\u00a0merch sales and promotion.<\/p>\n

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First recorded instance of Exhorder<\/strong>‘s The Law<\/em>\u00a0being sold to someone unaware of Pantera<\/strong> comparisons.<\/p>\n

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Waning bestial\/war metal label Black March<\/strong> passes mandatory conscription laws to fill ranks after heavy losses to attrition, heart-failure and angery reacts.<\/p>\n

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Khemmis<\/strong> achieve breakthrough, returning with easily the second best album of their career to widespread critical acclaim.<\/p>\n

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4-piece prog-fusion metal act Jazzturb8<\/strong>\u00a0found to contain sufficient\u00a0noodling to be officially referred to as a “quartet”.<\/p>\n

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Blackgaze band Starenoir<\/strong> arrested on-stage mid-song for loitering.<\/p>\n

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After months of calculations, woke af Tool<\/strong> fan reveals that the increasing time gaps between each of the band’s albums is following the Fibonacci sequence divided\u00a0by 9 and then multiplied\u00a0by 11, meaning the next album will be released in late 2074. Overjoyed fans react by dubbing it a masterpiece of musical progression, set pre-order sales records, and claim that detractors just “don’t get it”.<\/p>\n

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Decibel<\/strong> confuse readers by releasing December issue in December.
\nTurmoil ensues.<\/p>\n

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Sole member of tech-death outfit Extracting The Micturition<\/strong> kicked out after drum machine achieves sentience and assumes control of the project’s future. New autonomously recorded album leaks, fans complain it sounds too similar to previous material.<\/p>\n

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Deathspell Omega<\/strong> add “DsO” to their list of influences in order to reach new fans.<\/p>\n

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5 year long undercover investigation reveals merch table actually glorified desk.\u00a0\"merch-tables\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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Press release accompanying promo for seminal D-Beat<\/strong> band Anarchist Killer<\/strong>‘s first material in 21 years takes more time to complete than the album.<\/p>\n

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Local promoter books 3 supports for touring European black metal band, event runs smoothly as everything goes as planned.<\/p>\n

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Peter Jackson<\/strong> agrees to direct film clip for New Zealand-based Tolkien-themed medieval black metal band Dung Draugr<\/strong>. Buckles under pressure from the label to split the 3:12 minute track into 3 separate video clips released across 3 years. Fans revolt.<\/p>\n

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Metal fan claims to read end of year lists for a purpose other than reaffirming his own taste.<\/p>\n

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Trump <\/strong>continues surprise cabinet announcements,\u00a0appointing new 5FDP<\/strong> head-dong\u00a0Phil LaBonte<\/strong> as chief social media advisor, duties said to include getting in touch with the thoughts and ideals of the dissatisfied millenial demographic, immediately telling them they’re wrong\/hate freedom, and systematically blocking any dissidents.<\/p>\n

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Dad-rock band win 38 year-long battle for custody of their discography, allowing them to play their songs on Thursdays, Mondays (after 5pm), and every second Sunday.<\/p>\n

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Survey into low polling day turnout reveals thousands of disenfranchised voters found to have tuned out “all this\u00a0annoying election talk” during the last few months by listening to their usual diet of\u00a0politically charged grind and black metal.<\/p>\n

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World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF<\/strong>) condemn\u00a0live show antics of popular new\u00a0Australian metalcore band ipunchedarooonce<\/strong><\/a> after viral video of drummer preparing for their first tour surfaces.<\/p>\n