{"id":65339,"date":"2017-05-05T13:00:37","date_gmt":"2017-05-05T18:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.toiletovhell.com\/?p=65339"},"modified":"2017-05-05T13:04:36","modified_gmt":"2017-05-05T18:04:36","slug":"shirt-stains-five-finger-death-punch-pervert-mask","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/shirt-stains-five-finger-death-punch-pervert-mask\/","title":{"rendered":"Shirt Stains: Five Finger Death Punch Pervert Mask"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n

Guess where those five fingers are going, solider.<\/p>\n

Everyone\u2019s favorite band that pretends they\u2019re in the military but really just likes guns and jingoism, Five Finger Death Punch are arguably one of the biggest bands in hard rock today. Granted, there\u2019s really only like 5 or 6 bands left that fit into that genre that aren\u2019t still selling tickets to the Warped Tour Battle Of The Bands, but you know what I mean. In the Venn diagram of meatheads and mega patriots, Five Finger Death Punch is nestled snugly in the middle. Of course, to help spread that success and bring in more bucks, a band has to have merchandise. Beyond shirts and hoodies, FFDP also have their own pint glasses<\/a>, pillows<\/a>, hockey jerseys<\/a>, bobbleheads<\/a> and fanny packs<\/a>. It only makes sense that they\u2019d also have their own rubber masks. Wait, what?<\/p>\n

Trick Or Treat Studios is a Halloween mask and costume shop based out of Soquel, California. Their products range from \u201cHey, these are pretty cool<\/a>\u201d to \u201cOh my god, kill it with fire!<\/a>\u201d As you can see, beyond the usual horror monsters and creatures, Trick Or Treat Studios also makes masks from the metal world. They\u2019ve got masks for Ghost and Rob Zombie plus the The Fiend<\/a> from The Misfits<\/strong>, the warpig thingy<\/a> from Motorhead<\/strong> for some reason, and a lot of Eddies<\/a> from Iron Maiden<\/strong>. All three are classic mascots so it makes sense. Five Finger Death Punch\u2019s mascot? Come on. I\u2019d venture to say a majority of metal fans and probably FFDP fans don\u2019t even know the mascot\u2019s name. If I told you it was named \u201cChungus Meatlog\u201d you\u2019d think \u201cYeah, that makes sense.\u201d Either way, the fine folks at TOT Studios have created a mask for good ol\u2019 Chungus Meatlog and here it is in all its glory.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Yeeeuuuurgghhh. That\u2019s one scary looking skull\u2026face\u2026thing. I don\u2019t mean it\u2019s scary like \u201cOh, I don\u2019t want to mess with that guy\u201d scary. It\u2019s scary like \u201cThis guy keeps hanging out at the playground and I don\u2019t think he\u2019s with any of these kids.\u201d That\u2019s not a criticism of the work Trick Or Treat Studios has done. This looks quality. It\u2019s just the source material that both sucks and blows and then sucks again. It\u2019s kinda pudgy and sickly looking. The teeth remind me of every person at the bus station that’s not going to work or class. Chungus (h\/t Jim Sterling<\/a>) has that \u201ccome hither\u201d stare that parents and authorities warn you about. He has the look of someone who knows the exact temperature to microwave a cantaloupe for optimal fucking temperature. The brass knuckles in its mouth are there by court order. If they were taken out, all you\u2019d need is a \u201cput genitals here\u201d sign above it. You can practically hear the labored breathing coming out of that pleasure shroud.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s incredibly appropriate that it\u2019s a right hand across his face. Less appropriate that it\u2019s red. Are there enough Five Finger Death Punch fans out there that want a FFDP Chungus mask? They\u2019d better be sure that they want it because, according to their website, \u201cTrick or Treat Studios does not accept cancellations after an approved order has been processed.\u201d That\u2019s a legal version of \u201cno backsies.\u201d For $50, you\u2019d better be sure you want this thing in your presence. It\u2019s entirely possible that it is cursed and will slowly attach itself to your skin, Goosebumps style. He probably knows Pogfucker<\/a> (uh, possibly NSFW warning).<\/p>\n

This is the mask The Gimp wears when his usual mask is at the cleaners. This is the mask you wear when you don\u2019t<\/em> want to receive candy on Halloween. This is the mask Zoltan Bathory wears when he\u2019s been a bad, bad boy and wants to be dominated by a strong, independent woman wearing a pantsuit. This is the mask Phil Labonte wears when mastur-crying. Ivan Moody wears this mask as punishment for when he quits and unq-uits the band.<\/p>\n

Hail Chungus Meatlog! He can be all yours at this<\/a> location. Don’t wear him around any schools or in poorly ventilated rooms.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Guess where those five fingers are going, solider.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":29,"featured_media":65473,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Shirt Stains: Five Finger Death Punch Pervert Mask","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1812],"tags":[10230,486,1662,4793,10228,4916,10229],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/fivefingerdeathpunchgimp.jpg?fit=700%2C373&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65339"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/29"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=65339"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65339\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/65473"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=65339"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=65339"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=65339"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}