{"id":69478,"date":"2017-08-08T11:00:10","date_gmt":"2017-08-08T16:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.toiletovhell.com\/?p=69478"},"modified":"2017-08-08T10:51:27","modified_gmt":"2017-08-08T15:51:27","slug":"five-garbage-birds-id-rather-see-get-crushed-than-an-owl","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/toiletovhell.com\/five-garbage-birds-id-rather-see-get-crushed-than-an-owl\/","title":{"rendered":"Five Garbage Birds I’d Rather See Get Crushed Than an Owl"},"content":{"rendered":"
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On the release of their monstrous self-titled album, gnarly-ass doom trio\u00a0Owlcrusher<\/strong> are espousing the merits of crushing feathery fiends of the Strigiforme order. And the lads sure seem like they know their way around compactors, what with the ludicrous weight of their riffs and the oppressive gravity of the atmosphere they conjure across the three gargantuan tracks on the new album. With one hand wielding an early\u00a0Peaceville<\/strong> iron grip and the other a vice-like strength similar to Spanish doom bands like\u00a0Hipoxia<\/strong>, Owlcrusher surely will spare no bug-eyed head spinners that get in their grasp. But here’s the issue: owls are pretty got dang cool. They get mistaken for aliens<\/a> and demons<\/a> on the reg on account of their spooky silence and nocturnal habits. So, to meet the fine lads in Owlcrusher halfway, I’d like to propose a name change. Owlcrusher, if you’re reading this, here are five garbage birds I’d be more than happy to watch you crush.<\/p>\n

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5. Albatrosses<\/h1>\n

Yeah, I know. Albatrosses are the spirits of dead sailors and killing them results in bad luck. Blah blah blah. Bad luck sucks, and that’s exactly why albatrosses should be crushed! Don’t wear that dumb bird around your neck! Wear it around your fingers as you pulverize it into oblivion! Avenge that ancient mariner and don’t let these dumb sea-rats dictate your good times in international waters. Get on your boat and get real debauched with that jellyfish venom you picked up in that exotic locale. You’ll thank me later! Plus, Albatrosscrusher could introduce a fun nautical element to your band’s sound! Maybe use a lighthouse horn as an introduction rather than those majestic, almost reverent clean-sung passages that evoke the best of My Dying Bride<\/strong>!<\/p>\n