Swellin’ to the Jammiez: HIIT ’em Up
Jogging is terrible. It’s boring and it makes you look stupid. Unfortunately, human hearts require aerobic exercise to delay inevitable stoppage. I don’t want to collapse in a cold heap at the ripe old age of 35 so cardio work is necessary. But still, jogging. Ugh.
Rather than wasting an hour of my day jogging at a sensible heart rate, why not just go balls out for a few minutes and get that shit over with? That’s pretty much the methodology behind HIIT: High Intensity Interval Training.
Believe it or not, I’m not a medical professional or a trainer or qualified in anything in any real way. So maybe read a guide or talk to a doctor or something. Anyway, here’s my dummy-stupid method for HIIT:
- Jog for 5 minutes to warm up.
- Sprint your balls off for 30-seconds, then walk for 30-seconds.
- Do that sprint/walk thing a total of 13 times.
Including my 5-minute warm-up, the entire workout lasts around 18-and-a-half minutes. As much as the workout sucks, that’s a damn good misery-to-time ratio.
Rather than fucking around with a treadmill like a nerd, I prefer to do my sprinting outside. Instead of trying to keep track of the time in my head, I set up a HIIT playlist that will dictate my workout for me. Here’s how you do it:
- Create a playlist in iTunes,
- Add 13 tracks that pump you up and 13 tracks that chill you out. Alternate those tunes.
- Right-click on a tune, click “Get Info”,
- Click the “Options” tab,
- Change the start and stop time of the song to the 30 most kick ass seconds of the tune.
- Click OK.
It’s that simple. Here’s what a portion of my HIIT playlist looks like.
***EDIT: I removed a bunch of stuff because the page was becoming unstable.
5-Minute Warm Up
I’ve got 5 minutes to just kinda dick around getting my heart rate up. I like to use this time to unwind and look and dogs and people and stuff in the neighborhood.
First Sprint
Here’s where I start running really fast. Rather than jumping straight into it with blastbeats, I like to set the tone with an upbeat tune about determination or something. Remember: each sprint song is just 30 seconds of a song that pumps you up the most.
First Rest
That wasn’t so bad! I can totally do this. No sweat.
Fast forward to…
7th Sprint
I am become negativity. 00:28-00:58 is what I am jamming now.
7th Rest
I’m sucking air. I need to quickly recover and feel like a champ. Thus, Robyn:
8th Sprint
8th Rest
10th Sprint
I like to play this one twice in a row.
10th Rest
In these later stages of the workout, I’m struggling to keep myself from doubling over in agony during the rest periods. To keep your head up, it’s important to listen to things that make you feel like Superman.
12th Sprint
The first 30 seconds of this song should be enough to carry anyone over the hump.
Last Rest!
LAST Sprint!
The last sprint is the toughest. I need something that pushes me over the edge. At 3:30 in this track I go completely nuts. Lyrics typically don’t do much for me but the phrase “What say you and all your friends meet all of my friends in the alley tonight” makes me to beat 50 shades of shit out of everyone and all of their friends.
Walk Home and Try Not to Puke
Have a good one, folks. Try not to puke today.
