13 Songs About Butts
Ahh, the butt. The behind. The hindquarters. The posterior. The bootay. The backside mound. The pants pillows. The leg hams. The toilet launcher. Whatever your definition of your round rear ribald reverie, music is the true art form with which to express one’s admiration. For your enjoyment, here are 13 musical odes to your glorious gluteus.
Shit.Ass – Giant Butt
To start things off, let’s keep it simple. This is a song about a giant butt. They tag themselves as the best band in the universe. They kinda sound like Danzig. They’re from Sweden and/or Norway. I withhold all judgement.
Butt – It’s Butt!
The song title is right in the lyrics, so hey they know their audience. “It’s Butt, comin’ atcha like a radio star! It’s Butt, crashin’ cheap planes & fancy cars!” Presumably they made this song as an attempt to mythologize their band, à la Bad Company’s Bad Company, with only their four chords and the blazing hot St Louis, MO music scene to spur them on.
Butt – Office
Possibly the only entry on this list to credit a golden retriever named Elvis. Surprising lack of butt-related content, given that they could have woven an intricate narrative about what happens to the average human butt in an office environment: rapid growth, heavy compression, being stared at by colleagues, being clamped shut after the team lunch at the local Tex Mex place, etc.
Butts – Butts EP
Good-time hangout girl rock to break up the typical sausage fest of smelly dudes writing songs about butts. Sounds like the whole thing was recorded in one take in a garage, probably with beers everywhere. Prime lyrics: “We’re Butts. Shut up.” Also includes tracks Panty Exchange and Alcohol.
Dabutt – Your Brain On (Good) Drugs
I think this is background music to a fail compilation video somewhere. Don’t worry though you guys, eventually they’re going to bundle these songs into an album. Thank the great good fuck for that.
Dead Fox Morning – Butts
Demo-quality indie/garage rock. Possibly about butts, though I can’t be sure because I honestly didn’t listen for that long due to the complete lack of blastbeats. Fuck that shit. Blastbeats or GTFO. How much better would this song be with blastbeats? How much better would it be with blastbeats and some butt lyrics? Holy shit.
ayy lmao – Butts
Random-ass sound pasting motherfuckery. Probably gonna be popular with a bunch of you commenting nerds due to the “ayy lmao” name because memes are a plague and you are all infected. If you want to survive The Great Cleansing, get out now because I’ve loaded up Disqus up with six tons of TNT. I mean… stay and comment please. You are in no danger of detonation.
Joe Arias – butt2
A guy experimenting with cool retro synth sounds in the hopes of one day making it to the hallowed halls of the glorious Drive Radio (probably). Good luck dude, but next time if you’re gonna call your album “butt2” you’d BETTER INCLUDE MORE GODDAMN BUTT STUFF. Seriously though check out that Drive Radio link, it’s badass and they do John Carpenter-esque darkwave stuff on Mondays.
Mile Me Deaf – B.U.T.T.
From the home of a supremely badass Krampuslauf comes 58 seconds of schnapps-fueled meandering Austrian drum machine dick-slappery. I don’t speak Austrio/Germanian so I can’t discern either the oversaturation or complete lack of butt-related lyrics. At worst, it’s 58 seconds of non-butt content. At best, it’s about getting whipped in the ass by a drunken Krampus.
Jiblit Dupree – Butt
Fucking pointless.
Pancake Productions – Butt-Ass Disaster
Like if Tom Waits sung two octaves higher and sucked horribly. And his wife was in the band. And they were both on meth and had a thing for pancakes and ass.
Has Changed – Butt
From Chesapeake, VA comes the only (finally!) metal entry on this list. You know he’s metal because he’s eating a sandwich off a car roof. The things you gotta do on tour, man. I feel ya. Also fuck off for the total lack of butt lyrics. However, the track listing for the album is as follows: 1) i 2) forgot 3) all 4) of 5) the 6) song 7) titles 8) butt 9) here 10) you 11) go.
manchildtrollhair – BUTT
Finally, we close on a high note. Allow me to quote these most brilliant, haunting lyrics for you filthy uneducated peasants who can’t possibly comprehend the genius you’re faced with without it being in animated gif form. Just let the words wash over you and do your best to wade through the sky-high IQ of a man who can pen the following linguistic beauty. Ahem… “Yeeeaaaaahhh! Your butt your butt your stupid butt your stinky smelly poopy butt. Your butt. My dick. Dump. Butthead. Stupid butt. Butt. Dump. Yeeeaaaaahhh!” *applauds, sheds single tear*
(header image via)
