6 Ways To Tell If You’re Acclaimed Metal Vocalist George Clarke of Deafheaven

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You find yourself buttoning the top button of your shirts. You have stylish hair and dreamy eyes. Gloves may factor into some of your choices. At this point you may be asking yourself an important question: “Am I acclaimed metal vocalist George Clarke of Deafheaven?” Read this simple guide and find out for sure!

1. People around you refer to you as acclaimed metal vocalist George Clarke of Deafheaven.

Everyone knows that the people closest to George Clarke rarely call him Tom, Ed, Shannon, or William Tell. So if your friends and family members call you on the phone and say “Hey acclaimed metal vocalist George Clarke of Deafheaven,” instead of something like “Hey Gustavo,” you just may be the man himself!

2. You have all of Deafheaven’s lyrics memorized and tattooed on corpses in your basement. 

Lots of fans have Deafheaven lyrics memorized, and a few have some tattooed on their own, still-alive bodies. But only one guy out there spends each full moon covering himself in paste and howling to the North while inking a fresh stanza on a dead body. If that’s you, then you’re probably acclaimed metal vocalist George Clarke of Deafheaven!

3. Someone picked you out of a police lineup by saying “That’s acclaimed metal vocalist George Clarke of Deafheaven, the man who killed several homeless men and tattooed lyrics on them.”

Some people try to copy ol’ Georgie’s hair and fashion sense in attempt to look like everyone’s favorite current vocalist of Deafheaven. But you can bet they would never get picked out of a police lineup in a high profile murder investigation centered on Mr. Clarke himself! So if they’re pointing at you, chances are you’re acclaimed metal vocalist George Clarke of Deafheaven, and you need only a one more body to fulfill the prophecy and become the most powerful wizard.

4. Everyone says you’ve always been such a nice guy, and none of this makes any sense, none of it.

Any average Joe could be in a tense, tear-filled courtroom as they’re handed a life sentence, but you’re acclaimed metal vocalist George Clarke of Deafheaven. You know that the inane blubberings of a handful of plebs is nothing compared to the eternal glory of becoming the most powerful wizard and hitting all the other wizards with very strong magic.

5. You just found the last sacrifice.wizard5

Did you just check out your cellmate and determine that he’s the perfect fit? Have you come up with a plan? Then find your paste and get some ink, because you must be acclaimed metal vocalist George Clarke of Deafheaven!

6. You are the most powerful wizard.

You may have just ritualistically sacrificed a fellow inmate. What Deafheaven fan hasn’t? And now, you may even be sitting in your wizard chair and pointing at things with your wizard stick. Pretty standard! But if that spilt blood of the wicked fulfilled the ancient prophecy and allowed you to become to most powerful wizard who can hit all the other wizards with very strong magic, you must be acclaimed metal vocalist George Clarke of Deaheaven! Give yourself a pat on your wizard back, you earned it!

(Images VIA, VIA)

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