Flush It Friday: Ov Spear and the Stalker


Come, friends, and gather nearer, that I may bitch at you about my personal life.

I’ve tried to keep my time at the good ol’ T ov H positive, but even I need to break wind blow off steam occasionally. Between full-time studenting, almost full-time work, part-time toileting, and a band that I’ve been sorely neglecting, I’ve already got enough stress. I know some of you guys have it much harder, and you’re all goddamned superheroes for being able to deal with it without breaking. In addition to the above, however, I’ve got one extra little bundle of frustration that surfaces from time to time. I’m not really sure that it’s the best idea to discuss this particular problem in a public forum, but hey, here goes: my girlfriend has a stalker.

First, a little background: I’ve been in a polyamorous relationship for a little over a year now. For anyone unfamiliar with the term, it basically just means that I’m seeing two people- a Mrs. Spear (who I’m engaged to) and a Miss Spear (who I’m dating), if you will. Everything’s on the up-and-up, though. They both know about it and approve of it, and they’ve been good friends with each other since long before this relationship started. I actually met Miss Spear through Mrs. Spear a couple years ago, and it’s not long after that that this whole debacle began.

I met Mr. Stalker through a mutual friend of ours. He seemed like a pretty legit guy at the time; we played a lot of the same video games, similar taste in movies, etc. We hung out a few times, and he was eventually introduced to my main group of friends- including (then-not) Miss Spear. He got along with everyone fine, but particularly so with Miss Spear for similar reasons to my own. It became clear pretty quickly that he was head-over-heels for her.

It seemed innocuous at first; they spent a lot of time together, traded books, video games, etc. Things looked fine for a few months, until we noticed that Miss Spear was becoming increasingly anxious as time passed. He had been making advances more frequently and less subtly (thankfully, it never got violent), and she had made it clear that she didn’t feel the same way. However, he was having none of it. He tried manipulating her into dating in a variety of ways, including the standard “I’ve been nice to you so you have to love me now” logic and escalating up to threatening suicide. The pressure of school, being on her own, and this jackassery eventually got to her. After a series of arguments with her unwanted suitor, she dropped from her classes that spring and moved back home. She rightfully vowed to exorcise his presence from her life, and the rest of my friends and I followed suit.

Naturally, this didn’t stop him from trying to contact her. He’s sent her a series of messages over the years, at first on Steam, then on her phone (after which she changed her number), then on Reddit, and so on and so forth. He’s gone as far as to make dummy accounts on certain mediums to get around her blocks against him. These messages have ranged from all sorts of subjects and tone, occasionally trying to make amends; usually being self-pitying (claiming in a couple that he’s suffering from PTSD because she wouldn’t date him); and, at least twice, threatening her. Of course he blames her for all this, too, claiming that she’s “getting everything she wants all the time.” Basically, if you were to gather all these messages into one place, it would look like a case study in neckbeardism.

So yeah, again, not really sure it’s such a good idea talking about this here. I don’t know how much he follows my online activities, but if he wants to get pissed at me, he’s more than welcome to do so. The thing is, as much as part of me wants to mount his head on a pike in my front yard as a warning to my enemies/Sunday morning church goers who park across my driveway, I’d rather just talk to him and see if we can’t fix this. I’d like to think I’ve grown up enough to not hold grudges anymore, but really, I think I just lack the attention span.

Anyway, that’s enough of that. Let the flushing commence!

The Bad: Me, trying to book shows for my band. I suck at this shit.

The Good: Once we actually get out there, we’ve got a bunch of new stuff that I’m painfully excited to play for people. This is the one thing I really let myself take pride in occasionally, and I’m pretty damn proud of what we’ve got coming up.

The Ugly: my diet has seen an increase in both fibrous veggies and extremely spicy food lately. The results have been catastrophic.

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