Phallus-themed novelty band of the day: Satanic Necroboner


Satanic Necroboner‘s debut creation Kvlt I: The Genital Injury EP revolves around a triptych of compositions titled “Penile Fracture”, “Penile Frostbite”, and “Penile Sunburn”. In this brief song cycle, Satanic Necroboner find themselves exploring the furthest reaches of madness and fury. Tremolo-picked guitar lines cascade across blast beats while the sound of human anguish reverberates from Necrobono’s pained caterwauls. Spoken word interludes serve to remind the listener of the fragility of our own sanity and the doomed quintessence of rot and decay. These odes to impotence and the destruction of the phallus recall the monolithic multimedia creations of Matthew Barney’s Cremaster Cycle. No mortal chieftain of letters may remain untouched by the swirling ziggurat of spiraling sentience. Metaphysicality notwithstanding, isolation grips the foul tundra of suffocating miasma and lugubrious chasm.

JK, this is a novelty black metal record about dicks (but did you like my Pitchfork writing sample?).

I have a problem, you guys. I’m an educated, middle class adult that cannot stop giggling at dick jokes. I’m STILL laughing like a moron at the dadaist covers of My Dick. Imagine my joy when our own CyberneticOrganism sent me this amazing little slice of juvenile joy.

Satanic Necroboner appears to be the work of two gentlemen from Canterbury with perhaps a little too much time on their hands. The project originated with this video for “Penile Frostbite”. Your enjoyment of the video likely depends on your tolerance for continued parodies of Immortal videos from the 90s.

In addition to the aforementioned (and, uh, slightly embellished) black metal tracks, the EP includes surprisingly jammy little instrumental #hardrock tune “Moist Fuzz”. There is also a track called “Thvg Lyfe” which is a stolen ironically repurposed skit track from a damn Mushroomhead album. Despite that unfortunate origin, it’s an enjoyable listen if you enjoy Jerky Boys-esque prank calls.

Go like them on Facebook if you want to prove to your friends and family that you’re the kind of sweaty weirdo that would publicly like something called “Satanic Necroboner”.
(Photo VIA)


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