Shirt Stains: Broken Nope ***NSFW***


Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope so much nope. (NSFW)


It really takes a special shirt to have an entire edition of Shirt Stains dedicated to it. When I say special I mean in the “not allowed to use sharp scissors when doing arts and crafts” sort of way. Special like you’re a registered libertarian. Special like having to go around the neighborhood when you first move and informing people that you’re not allowed near their children.

We’ve had all sorts of terrible shirts on Shirt Stains, but this one really is deserving of being in a class all by itself. The front is perfectly fine. It’s just the bands name. Nice, simple, and neat. It’s not cartoonishly gigantic, it’s not hard to read, it’s not hideous colors. It’s perfectly acceptable. The back, though…my god the back.

According to all things depraved aka Urban Dictionary “docking” is “the act of placing the head of ones penis inside the foreskin of another’s penis”. Why would you do this? Well when a daddy and a daddy love each other very much, and at least one of them isn’t Jewish etc. Hey, whatever makes you happy, right? As long as you’re not hurting anyone, go for it. If we’re being honest, that’s not nearly as weird as some other things that people do. It’s not like the shirt has someone feeding a fat person for sexual gratification…not that there’s anything wrong with that. Would you want that on a shirt? Probably not, but Broken Hope sure does.

It’s important to note that this isn’t just a goofy one-off wordplay for a shirt. Oh, no. Broken Hope have thought long and hard (teehee) about this as they’ve also written a song called “The Docking Dead” off their album Omen of Disease. It’s typical hurgle gurgle death metal where the most memorable thing is the title.

This all really begs a whole host of questions. How did Broken Hope come up with this song title? Were they watching the Walking Dead? Did they have pants on? Who suggested it? How did the conversation go: Let’s write a song about touching weiners with a zombie? What happens if they get stuck? Did everyone agree to it? Did some band members (teehee) need an explanation of what “docking” means? How did the conversation go with the artist? Did they also need an explanation? Has anyone involved in The Walking Dead seen this shirt? Have your parents or significant others?

To be clear, I’m not offended by this shirt. Whatever, we live in a world where there’s a sub-genre of music called “pornogrind”. I just think it’s ridiculous that it’s actually being sold and people wear it. The artwork is actually good and very similar to the art of the comic book. Still, it’s absolutely batfuck crazy. I have to tip (teehe) my cap to Broken Hope for managing to make something utterly insane and getting people to pay $20 for it. That takes balls (teehee).

For your benefit, here are the following places where it is acceptable to wear this shirt:

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