Sunday Sesh: Metal Needs a New Geometric Shape
The Pentagram is dead. It’s been dead since Motley Crüe slapped one on the cover of Shout at the Devil. There’s no more malice left in the ol’ pentacle than there is that vegan wiccan community college student with the pentagram backpack down at the farmer’s market. It’s time metal adopted a new geometric symbol, one with bold lines, striking angles, and copious volume. Today we declare war on the pentagram as we seek out our new glorious banner.
Now, before you wipe off that Cheeto dust and waddle through a sea of empty PBR cans to your laundry pile to fish out your pentagram-adorned tees to burn out front of your parents’ house, we need to figure out what the next shape is. Here are your options.
The Sphere
It’s beyond silly to cite sources for geometric shapes, but I guess I will anyway. (VIA)
Pros: Solid, can support impressive girth, could have occult connections to solar worship
Cons: Will definitely make people think of that Dustin Hoffman film, lacks any kind of edge (we know how much metalheads love edge), prone to inciting hawk attacks if seen in the wild
__________
The Dodecahedron
Pros: Built-in D’n’D fanbase, fairly easy to cover in occult symbols on every surface, fun as hell to say out loud
Cons: All of metal will owe royalties to weird black metal band Dodecahedron, almost too much edge, will be way harder to draw in your notebook during social studies
__________
The Icosahedron
Pros: Essentially a more badass dodecahedron, makes you look like you passed calculus, can hold at least 8 more occult symbols, looks like it can travel through time
Cons: Outline has a star of David so you’ll probably lose the black metal fans, full-on edge, almost too tech death
__________
The Blivet
Pros: Mysterious and sensual, will break lesser beings’ minds, very phallic
Cons: Ironic in that annoying metalcore way, will invite too much staring, very phallic
__________
The Codex Seraphinianus
Pros: Huge variety of weirdass shapes to choose from, absurdly esoteric, very sensual
Cons: You’ll probably look like a huge pervert if you put the alligator one on a shirt
Now it’s up to you! Cast your vote below and help us pick our new geometric mascot. Out with the old and busted, in with the new hotness.
