The Best Band in Minnesota is Noble Beast


Ahhhh Minnesota, the place from which I receive all of my paychecks. The home of some delicious beer that describes my general temperament. The battlefield on which Fulci levels of blood were shed, and many Tolkien-esque characters sent to their eternal slumber, to bring you this band. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the best band in Minnesota: Noble Beast.

Now Noble Beast are no strangers to this here Toilet, but they were to this particular writer. I am not our resident Masterlord or his brother in flowing locks, Randall Thor, so power metal is pretty far outside of my wheelhouse, musically. I like my music dark, violent, sludgy and heavy. Perhaps a little blackened. That being said: Oh Lord, this is THE GOOD SHIT.

While power metal for most us means putting on your finest mail coif and dragon riding pants and charging into all the battles, Noble Beast brings more to the table (though you still get to wear your mail coif and dragon pants). The music formula boils down to sweet thrash riffs + the catchiest choruses = success! As someone who hates math, I must admit that that is a formula I can back 100%. And if you doubt this band brings the riffs, just wait until the middle of “Iron Clad Angels” and then quietly slink back into your corner filled with stupid people. And try not to sing along to songs like “Behold the Face of Your Enemy” or the super infectious “On Wings of Steel.”

Now if the words of one non-power metal nerd being converted aren’t enough, I’m going to go ahead and cheat to persuade you by directing you to our panel of 100% NUDE XXX SHOWS ALL NIGHT judges.

Jack Bauer: Imagine some sort of super epic situation. Chaos on all sides, perhaps a dragon breathing fire, posers everywhere getting slain, Five Finger Death Punch breaking up because they realized how much they suck, Tool releasing a new album (hahahaha). Now I want you to, without focusing on how ridiculously improbable such a situation is, think to yourself what the soundtrack to said epic situation would be. Did you think of Noble Beast? No? Well then congratulations! I’m impressed by HOW WRONG YOU ARE. Noble Beast write super epic riffs with a guitar tone that I absolutely adore and vocals that make me realize just how much I suck at singing. Noble Beast are power metal without all that excess cheese and it is glorious. Bottom line, real men listen to Noble Beast!

Simon Phoenix: So Noble Beast won best band in Minnesota? I’m not surprised at all cause they’re great. Yeah that’s right, when it has some gruff and riffs to it, this criminal mastermind enjoys occasionally swapping out the shotgun and thrash for an axe or a big ass hammer to kill dragons and shit to some power metal. And Noble Beast play some badass power metal that draws influence from all the greats like Blind Guardian, Nocturnal Rites, Falconer, and so forth, concocting a majestic sound to call their own. The latter band especially with vocalist Rob Jalonen belting out his epic words in a much lower but no less powerful register than is usual for the genre, giving a unique charisma and let’s be real, BALLS to the music of his fellow audio adventurers. There are also some speed and trad metal elements in there to give the proceedings even more power. Listen to dem tremolo riffs and blasts leading into those meaty thrash riffs at the beginning of Disintegrating Force and tell me that good power metal is for sissies, I fucking dare you. Simon says get this album, go forth, and slay.

Randall Thor: Noble Beast is the band you didn’t know you need. At first you’re like ‘I don’t know these guys, why should I listen?’ Then you listen and you realize you’ve been needing this album your entire life and you didn’t even know it.

So what are you waiting for, Warrior? RIDE FORTH INTO GLORY!


Rifle Diet (Minneapolis) – Furious, unrelenting crust.
Vulgaari (Minneapolis) – Weird, gloomy, unnerving, and utterly captivating.

The Toilet ov Hell is on an absurd quest to find the best unsigned band in each state of this glorious union. The purpose? To shine the spotlight on bands that deserve more exposure. Also, we’re going to determine once and for all the greatest state in the nation. Each state winner is decided by a collection of 25 judges. After we’ve announced the winner of each state, we’re gonna throw them all in a winner-take-all bracket and leave the votes up to you. Who will be the best unsigned band in the United States? Which state is superior? We can’t wait to find out.

Previous winners:

Alabama — Phylum
Alaska — Terraform
Arizona – Take Over And Destroy
Arkansas – Torii
California – Destroy Judas
Colorado – The Sleer
Connecticut – Autumn’s Eyes
Delaware – Sloss
Florida – Capracide
Georgia – Lost Hours
Hawaii – Darkest Path
Idaho – Rotten Hand
Illinois – Deus Ex
Indiana – Thorr-Axe
Kansas – Bummer
Kentucky – Ad Infinitum
Louisiana – Withering Light
Maine – Sylvia
Maryland – Bereave
Massachusetts – Scaphism
Michigan – Blackgate

(Photo VIA)

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