The Best Band in Nevada is Elephant Rifle
Back in August we asked you to help us find the best unsigned bands in America. After listening to hundreds of submissions, we finally narrowed down our pick for the most morally bankrupt state in the union. The best band in Nevada is Elephant Rifle.
Alright teens. We need to talk. It’s important.
*flips chair around backwards and sits down*
Right now you’re going through some… changes. It’s OK! You can talk to me, I’m not like a normal adult. I’m a cool adult. I was your age once, y’know. Back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*coughCOUGH*!
*covers up bald spot with backwards baseball cap*
We need to “rap” about your new interests. Just yesterday you kids loved getting all dirty and sweaty playing outside in mud puddles. Now, I’m afraid you’re all trying to get dirty and sweaty with… rock and roll music. I know. I hear you kids talking when you think I’m not listening. All about your Black Flags, and your Jesus Lizards. Well let me tell you something gang, there’s only one Jesus you should be listening to. His last name is Jones and he had a moderately popular hit in 1991 with “Right Here, Right Now”.
I’m here today to warn you kids about the dangers of Elephant Rifle, a noise-y, rock-y, hardcore-y band out of Reno, Nevada. A.K.A THE DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND A.K.A Sin City Jr. A.K.A The Biggest Little City in the World. This band has taken the filthy template of sweaty rock bands like Les Savy Fav and early Nirvana and combined it with a chunk of filthy hardcore. I know that this depraved act will be a favorite of those that loved Bummer, the pick for best unsigned band in Kansas. But is this really what you want to be listening to when Jesus comes? Seriously, he’ll be at the fair ground this weekend, and I’ll be damned if I’m missing him.
But don’t just take my word for it. Here’s what some of our morally corrupted judges have to say:
Masterlord: This sort of thing is pretty far outside my wheelhouse, but Elephant Rifle kicks oodles more ass than their Nevadan compatriots. It’s noise rock, but it’s noise rock that sleeps on top of a debris heap consisting of god-knows-what in the back of a shitty van, showers in shitty beer, dries off with the one shitty shirt it owns/never puts on, then blowdries its gross hair in front of the exhaust pipe. It’s hardcore, but it’s hardcore that eats roadkill for breakfast. You dig? I dig.
MoshOff: Elephant Rifle are like the homeless, estranged cousin of Helmet and The Smashing Pumpkins who’s been hanging around dodgy stoner dives and noisy squathouses. Noise Rock with a great sense of melody, get on this pronto.
Christian Molenaar: When you put on Elephant Rifle’s Party Child, you can’t help but think of death cults, pop Satanism (s/o Anton), mental instability and adult virginity. If White Zombie had a Jem-style cartoon back when ya boy RZ was still “‘Dirt’ Straker,” Elephant Rifle would definitely play the rival brand of noise rock freaks.
Wallower (Las Vegas, NV)
Scramz and shoegaze and black metal come together for a pretty swell time.
The Toilet ov Hell is on an absurd quest to find the best unsigned band in each state of this glorious union. The purpose? To shine the spotlight on bands that deserve more exposure. Also, we’re going to determine once and for all the greatest state in the nation. Each state winner is decided by a collection of 25 judges. After we’ve announced the winner of each state, we’re gonna throw them all in a winner-take-all bracket and leave the votes up to you. Who will be the best unsigned band in the United States? Which state is superior? We can’t wait to find out.
Alabama — Phylum
Alaska — Terraform
Arizona – Take Over And Destroy
Arkansas – Torii
California – Destroy Judas
Colorado – The Sleer
Connecticut – Autumn’s Eyes
Delaware – Sloss
Florida – Capracide
Georgia – Lost Hours
Hawaii – Darkest Path
Idaho – Rotten Hand
Illinois – Deus Ex
Indiana – Thorr-Axe
Iowa – Blizzard at Sea
Kansas – Bummer
Kentucky – Ad Infinitum
Louisiana – Withering Light
Maine – Sylvia
Maryland – Bereave
Massachusetts – Scaphism
Michigan – Blackgate
Minnesota – Noble Beast
Mississippi – Jared Moran (Yzordderrex/Uzumaki)
Missouri – Existem
Montana – Martriden
Nebraska – Borealis