This Toilet Tuesday (12/22/15)


You’re making your way home from your friend’s Christmas party. It was a good night; drinks were drank, good food was had, and merriment was made. You decided to duck out a little early as you were starting to feel a bit feverish, but it was fun regardless. You settle in for the long drive home and let your thoughts drift to preparing for the holiday itself.

Your reverie is interrupted by a sudden wave of nausea. You can feel a bubbling sensation in your stomach as bile begins to rise. As much as you want to hold it, you know that you won’t be able to contain yourself for long. Miles from the nearest rest stop or gas station, you pull over to the side of the highway and get out of the car. It doesn’t take long; you retch almost immediately, putrid chunks of roast meat and a thick, sickly sweet mixture of bile and booze spilling out of your esophagus. You make a dash for the ditch as you feel a second wave start to rise. Collapsing to your hands and knees, you pour the contents of your stomach into the virgin snow beneath you. You cough and sputter and moan, a long strand of viscous spittle dangling from your lip. You grab a handful of clean snow and use it to clean the edges of your mouth. That was unpleasant, but you’re feeling better now. You get to your feet and get back in your car.

Twenty minutes later, it comes again stronger than before. You barely make it out of your car this time before you begin to heave. Clearly your homemade brandied eggnog wasn’t such a good idea after all. A few leftover bits of food escape your bowels, but little else comes out. That doesn’t matter to your body; it continues trying to regurgitate what isn’t there. You dry heave for who knows how long. Your muscles hurt. There’s nothing left in your digestive system, solid or liquid. Still, you continue to retch. You collapse in the snow, unable to pick yourself up. You know you should get back to your car, find water, find someone who can help, but you’re so tired. You’re bundled up though; a short rest can’t hurt too much. You close your eyes and drift into darkness…

Embrace the void. This is Toilet Tuesday.


Akhenaten – Incantations Through the Gates of Irkalla (Satanath Records) [Folk/Blackened Death]

Are you the kind of guy/gal/reptile that can’t get enough Egyptian-sounding metal? If you answered yes, I have good news for you! Akhenaten, named after one of the most controversial pharaohs who cast down the polytheism of ancient Egypt in favor of a monotheistic system and whose reign saw a unique and distinct revolution in Egyptian art, are here to give you a healthy dose of Phrygian modes and Eastern instrumental flourishes to keep your sandy heart satisfied. Most important, though, is the fact that the blackened death metal on this album slays more than the spawns of Set consuming penitents at the Nile delta. This album is booming, sprawling, and stony, like a mighty desert colossus. Don’t miss it. FFO: Scarab, Nile, Scythian 12/20/15 (W.)


Icethrone – Winter Tales (Nemeton Records) [Viking Metal]
Listen to “Pay With Your Blood”

There isn’t a whole lot of variation in modern Viking metal. Do Icethrone bring anything new to the table? Let’s see. Black/death metal with progressive tinges? Check. Swirling, wintry synths? Check. Galloping riffs evoking the flight of Sleipnir? Check. Lyrical content about gods and war? Check. Yep, Winter Tales is a pretty by-the-numbers affair, but if you dig this style, you’ll probably find something to enjoy here. FFO: Shlechtvalk, Bathory, older Drottnar 12/20/15 (W.)


Hikan – The Cycle of Pain (Independent) [DSBM]

Hikan play the kind of dsbm I enjoy most. It’s raw as hell and spends as much time wallowing in slow despair as it does in the agonizing, faster parts. There’re torturous howls for vocals and a light touch of keyboards in the back. Melodies seem scarce though they are present – distortion and reverb drown everything in a bottomless pit. Check out: hatred 12/20/15 (Karhu)


Grafvitnir – Necrosophia (Daemon Worship) [Black Metal]

It’s just about Christmas, so let’s offset all that obnoxious peace and joy with some good old-fashioned devil worship. Grafvitnir contemplate the hereafter with a surprising amount of melody, driven forth by infernal leads and hissed vocals. Necrosophia pushes exactly zero boundaries (either for the band or the genre as a whole- it feels a lot like a continuation of last year’s Semen Serpentis), but it’s a damn fine record regardless. 12/22/15 (Spear)

the clearing path

The Clearing Path – Abyss Constellation (Avantgarde Music) [Black Metal]

I really enjoyed Watershed Between Earth and Firmament, last summer’s bold first statement from one-man project The Clearing Path. Abyss Constellation remains somewhere in the post-black metal landscape, building on Gabriele Gramaglia’s knack for combining enough influences, twists, and turns to stay truly compelling. Fascinating riffs and maze-like structure recall nature’s icy indifference while hardcore and sludge injections hammer this short release home. My only complaint is that it’s not longer. Also, Stockhausen sucks a lolbutt. Jam this album. Suckhausen sucks. 12/21/15 (Stockhausen)

Blackthorn – Witch Cult Ternion (MSR Productions) [Symphonic Metal]


Blliigghhtted – Kosmoskampf (Merdümgiriz) [Black Metal]

Bloodlash – Rain (Inverse Records) [Death Metal]

Comatose – The Ultimate Revenge (Satanath Records) [Death Metal]

Listen to “The Ultimate Revenge”

Degial – Savage Mutiny (Sepulchral Voice Records) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Savage Mutiny”

Dira Mortis – Psalms of Morbid Existence (Defense Records) [Death Metal]

Drama/Perdition Winds – Drama/Perdition Winds (split- Satanath Records) [Black Metal]

Element of Eclipse – HeretiKvlt Manifesto (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Angel Ov Repugnance”

Endless Recovery – Revel in Demise (Witches Brew) [Thrash]
Listen to “Revel In Demise,” “Reaping Fire”

Excruciation – Twenty Four Hours (Auric Records) [Doom]

Fantoft – Possessed by Chaos (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Possessed by Chaos”

Gravewürm – Doomed to Eternity (Hells Headbangers) [Black Metal]
Listen to “The One True Soul of Darkness”

Hijos de Overon – Camino de piedras (Rock-CD Records) [Heavy Metal]

Intracranial Parasite – Deviations Period of Inhumane (Deathfans Records) [Brutal Death Metal]
Listen to “Digging Stomach Contents”

Kult Mogił – Anxiety Never Descending (Pagan Records) [Death Metal]
Listen to “Serene Ponds”

Lustration – Jesus Bethlemitus Maledictus (Forgotten Wisdom Productions) [Black Metal]

Nan Elmoth – Hammer of the Moon (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Unleash The King Of Wolves”

Nott – Immaculate Eclipse (Razed Soul Productions) [Black Metal]

Odyssea – Storm (Diamonds Production) [Power Metal]

Retaliador – Insane Thrash (Obskure Chaos Distro) [Thrash]
Listen to “Juquery (Mad City)”

Sad Theory – Vérmina Audioclastia Póstuma (Independent) [Death Metal]

Shivers Addiction – Choose Your Prison (Revalve Records) [lolbuttz]
Listen to “Against We Stand”

Strife Machine – Selferadication (Independent) [DSBM]

Stworz – Zagony Bogów (Werewolf Promotion) [Folky Black Metal]
Listen to “Pług czasu,” “Perun jest mnogi”

Thrashfire – Vengeance of Fire (Xtreem Music) [Thrash]
Listen to “Chainsaw Metal”

Warcry – Possessed by Evil (Journey’s End Records) [Heavy Metal]
Listen to “Possessed by Evil”

Wendigo Psychosis – Herzblut (Independent) [Black Metal]
Listen to “Zum Fressen Gern”

Did we forget a new release? Is there a way we could improve this list? Let us know in the comments below!

(Images VIA, VIA, VIA, VIA)

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