Whiff o’ the Week (10/19/14)
“Rags and ruin of all that was human, leaching the force of collective design. Heroes and rapists, they all have nice faces, but who decides, who defines, who draws the lines?” -Warrel Dane. We live in the age of decay. Wisdom and foolishness. Truth and deception. Beauty and ugliness. We have lost sight of the absolutes and revel in the filth. This is a celebration of our slow march to the burial grounds. This is Whiff o’ the Week.
A wise man once told me that all celebrity bands are terrible, and he was absolutely right. With all this talk of Will Smith this week, I thought I’d politely remind everyone that Jada Pinkett Smith has a band. Wicked Wisdom are a glorification of mediocrity. FFO fourth-tier nü-metal or djent.
Oh no. This is probably the worst possible outcome of a metal band and a rapper collaborating. I would rather listen to power metal than this garbage. Also the music video is just amazingly horrible. I am glad that you guys can’t understand the lyrics. You ain’t losing anything!
It was the best of times. Death and black metal had begun to emerge from the underground. Thrash was ripping, even exploring progressive avenues. Power metal was in its infant stages. But alas, dark forces were lurking, ready to take it all away. Cowboys From Hell represents the fall of heavy metal and a dynamic change and split in its fanbase. This album is the single worst influence upon the history of heavy metal of all time. Before this album, there was no tough guy knuckle dragging BS in metal. Bands like Attila, Lamb of God, and Hellyeah would never have existed without this album. This song, album, and band are not only worthy of “whiff of the wheek,” but are worthy of “greatest whiff of all time.”
Metal is a dynamic, expanding genre that continues to push boundaries in new and exciting directions. Unfortunately, there remains an unfortunate handful of D&D nerds that have delusions of being some kind of valiant knight while eating disgusting fried food in front of their computers. “But it’s fantasy!” you shriek through a mouthful of Totino’s pizza rolls. I get it dude, you want to fuck a dragon. Get an imagination that expands beyond the same bored-Tolkien tropes. Create something new instead of recreating the same tired riffs, and tropes, and cheesy operatic vocals of the last 30 years.
This song is a blight on an otherwise enjoyable album. Dark Tranquillity create an interesting and powerful dark, atmospheric dynamic on a number of the songs on this album. However, this attempt at a depressed love ballad falls exceedingly flat. The guitars are boring. The vocals are boring. The story, ostensibly about a recurring dream where a woman who can’t speak is attempting to communicate with the lead singer, is mediocre. This is skip material. Skip it.
The worst of suburbcore.
I could have picked any song from Rings of Saturd‘s newest, but that would be too easy. Instead we’re going with an oldie but not so goodie. It starts off fine, or at least tolerable for a terrible deathcore band covering a classic rock song. But then the bro-ness starts slowly creeping in, like the waste in your body from that Big Mac you ate an hour ago slowly making its way to your rectum and the sensation building up in the pit of your abdomen. Then at 2:37 these douchenuggets bass drop a steaming upper decker all over Jimi‘s grave and wipe it further on there with the heel of their boots. Srsly, fuck this band in their right ear for eternity for ruining this song. They are lucky this remained officially unreleased, or they would’ve gotten to know the business end of my flamethrower.
I think I’m gonna go kill myself now after listening to this. [W.-Don’t forget a towel!]
If I was a 40 year old man trying to infiltrate a 10th grade lunch table…
Pee-fucking-yew. This whole album fucking sucks and was the first in only a few missteps in Maiden‘s career. I love Maiden, but this one sure is a stinker.
Okay, we were discussing this song once again at band practice last night, because seriously, what in the hell is going on here??
I completely worship High on Fire, and absolutely adore Matt Pike, and I’ve never heard him do ANYTHING that was short of amazing, but when those solo vocals kick in at 1:10 I just can’t even… [W.- As evidence of my poserdom, I actually love this song]
Feel free to defend any of these choices in the comments section and tell me what a turd I am for my opinion. Also, if you hate something I love, send it to me for the next Whiff o’ the Week! All opinions here are strictly those of the writer in question, although most of them are correct.