Be awesome and tell your friends about Toilet Ov Hell!
We here at Toilet Ov Hell Industries (a division of Flush Co) want to express a sincere THANK YOU to everyone who’s visited the site in the seven short months we’ve been in operation. Thanks to you, we’ve all become better people. Better than you, anyway. That is, unless you tell your friends. Do you have any friends? Go get some friends first, then tell them about Toilet Ov Hell.
If you’ve enjoyed any of our features on weekly album releases, artist interviews, album reviews, tech death, bandcamp finds, grind finds, thrash finds, power metal finds, making fun of awful videos or awful shirts, open swim Fridays, ambient/noise, cool movies, fitness, whiffs and riffs of the week and about a hundred billion other topics, tell a friend or two to come share in the face-melting and the lolz. Who knows, one of you may even end up writing for the site!
Hang out with us on Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr or Instagram or Google+. It will make you a better person. Seriously. Don’t believe me? Check out what some our own authors have to say about their pre- and post-TOH lives.
_____
Papa Joe: Before the toilet I had free time and a fiancé. Now I have an inbox full of unread email and the kinship of literally tens of troll Disqus accounts. Please like and share these posts to justify my increasingly poor decisions. Thank you.
Leif Bearikson: I used to be an insufferable asshole posing as a cat, but now I’m a decent person posing as a bear. Thanks Toilet ov Hell!
Simon Phoenix: Simon says come to the Toilet Ov Hell where you can learn about all the wonderful things pertaining to thrash and other genres of metal. But especially thrash. Oh don’t pay attention to the large group of rough looking guys wearing battle jackets standing a few feet behind you. They’re just there for… motivation. Anyway I really think you should check out the blog. It would be good for your health, and the health of your wife and daughter. Where are they, you ask? All you need to know is that they are safe, as long as you go check out the blog. And be sure to tell your friends about us too. I have all their addresses, so I’ll know whom you told and whom you didn’t. Be well.
Dagon: For all my life, I’ve been the guy with the lowest self-esteem in the jungle I live in. I was always picked on, dropped from the 6 o’clock vine I ride to school, even the Saguí monkeys used to fling shit at me. Ever since I started reading the Toilet Ov Hell, my life was completely changed. I now have access to new, amazing, steaming hot shit everyday to fling back. I have also learned that no jimmy will remain unrustled, earned several good boy points, got rid of my fedora made out of leaves and most importantly, have found my true identity as a submarine Mesopotamian deity. Who’s the king of the jungle now, huh? Thank you, Toilet Ov Hell.
Masterlord: Before I found the Toilet ov Hell, I was afraid. Afraid to get close to anyone. Afraid to love. Afraid to live. My… dysfunction made me feel like… well, less of a man. But now, as a regular of the ToH, I have the confidence I need. It’s given me the assurance that, should I find myself in an intimate situation, my body will be ready.
Randall Thor: Before coming to the toilet, I had run out of posers to slay. All my remaining friends also listened to power metal, and my supply of poser blood to bathe in was running dry. Then I discovered the Toilet Ov Hell! Now I can sign on, go to the comments, and slay posers all day! I can even write articles telling the posers that I’m coming to slay them! This site works by posting about bands that don’t play power metal, attracting wimps and posers who don’t listen to power metal. Once they have arrived, I unsheathe my steel and commence glorious battle with the false. Before the Toilet, I was worried that I may run out of posers to slaughter. Now, for the first time in a long time, my stores are full of poser blood, and the cries of the false emanate from my dungeons. Thanks Toilet Ov Hell!
_____
How can you argue with all that? YOU CAN’T.
(header img via)
