BEST BOOZE RIFF? Tankard vs Municipal Waste
Today in RIFF or RAFF, I’m not drunk. YOU’RE drunk. Also, we’re deciding once and for all the best alcoholic riff in metal. The combatants are Tankard and Municipal Waste. One riff will riff, the other will raff. Let’s do this.
HOO BOY. I am drunk irl as I write this introduction, so bear with me. What is metal if you take away all the guitars and drums and brutal vocals? What do you have left? Probably a few studded jackets several cases of low-quality beer. We’ve gotta celebrate booze, the true backbone of metal today. Fortunately, you guys submitted the two strongest booze-themed acts in the genre: Tankard and Municipal Waste. Let us thrash and/or kill and/or vom. I’m buying the winner of this week a gift from their Bandcamp wishlist.
Joe said that this week’s theme was to submit an alcohol themed riff, so who better submit than the granddaddies of beer metal themselves, Tankard? Tankard got the ball rolling at the tail end of the eighties with hard banging albums about drinking, partying, and various metal stuff but it was mostly the alcohol, okay? And while sure, you can point to any number of thrash bands today who celebrate similar themes, Tankard have an advantage over the pizza thrash flunkies of the now because they manage to both have a sense of humor and take their riffing deadly seriously. I’d easily put Tankard alongside Kreator, Destruction and Sodom in terms of sheer quality German riffcraft and songwriting.
“Ice-olation”, being the album opener, begins with a dramatic clean intro that segues into a groovy riff/drum bounce combo guaranteed to get the head bobbing and moisten the palate for sweet riffs and sweet hops. The verse builds on this previously, and then we hit our RIFF at 1:08 when the chorus kicks in. ICE-OLATION, Gerre snarls, bemoaning the fate of a beer trapped in the freezer after being thrown in there for a quick chill before a party and forgotten. Truly, a cautionary tale for the ages. Pop a cool one, flushers! –Gurp
Riff at 1:37. 230 words: Raging to a level of inebriated bliss. Pounding to the speed of the metal with our fists. Relentless is the force crushing through the earth’s domain. Beer shoots down your throat while it’s punishing your brain. Can you survive the ultimate chug? Or will you choke then puke on the rug? Or will you last this beer-bonging task? Intoxicate! For the final blast Inebriate it’s the way to go we never want to drink it slow!Fucked up at top speed we got us a tool. Leaving you pissed in a puddle of drool. It’s claimed many lives but not yours yet. One step in its path you’re going to be next. Now drop to one knee, your mouth to the tube. Just tilt your head back and just wait for the spew! Blast’s through the chest It pounds through your gut. It rips through your skin. You’re getting tore up! Your stomach flies open. It splat’s to the floor. Another victim. The Inebriator! Inebriate it’s the way to go we never want to drink it slow! Inebriate it’s the way go! Raging to a level of inebriated bliss. Pounding to the speed of the metal with our fists. Relentless is the force crushing through the earth’s domain. Beer shoots down your throat while it’s punishing your brain. You can’t survive one thing is for sure. Another victim! The Inebriator! –Elegant Gazing Globe
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Last week, my Iron Reagan riff beat Boss The Ross’ M.O.D. riff by a a respectable 31 votes. As a prize, Boss created this excellent shitty MS portrait of me. It is glorious. 
NEXT WEEK I want you to send me your best RIFF FROM A SONG ABOUT DRAGONS. Want to be the riff wizard? Here’s what you do:
- **I have heard your protests and I will meet you halfway. From now on, I will require a mere 100 words for your RIFF or RAFF submission.
- Submit your riff at toiletovhell@gmail.com
- Put “RIFF or RAFF” in the subject line
- Include a link to a place where we can stream your song
- Include the timestamp when the riff kicks in
- Write 100-500 words about why you love this riff, and why we should love it too
