Flush It Friday: New Black Metal Supergroup! Friendship Never Ends!
Every once in a while the stars align and the metal world is rocked by a band that shatters boundaries and slays posers with their musical steel. I’m talking about the true legends here, the ones who birthed genres out of their signature sound. I think this moment has finally come again. This is such good news that you won’t even feel the need to flush your problems down. They will be cleansed by pure metalhead bliss.
This week, cryptic Facebook posts started a rumor that quickly lit the internet on fire. It broke the world wide web faster than Kim Kardashian. The metal community was so over hyped that several cases of hysteria were reported – it is said that at least six metal blog contributors went on a loitering/vandalism rampage, ruining ancient stone-built walls all over the United States; at the same time, three editors of a renowned electronic publication tried to commit suicide via overdose of chicken tendies. After a brief stint in Big Jazz Boy Memorial Hospital’s intensive care unit, the victims are now out of danger.
What exactly is the announcement that created all this mess? The one piece of information that brought all da ruckus? Are you ready? Sitting down? Here it is.
“George Clinton, Beck, Kendrick Lamar and Varg Vikernes join forces for a black metal supergroup”
Hahaha April fools hahahha
This post alone was enough to wreak havoc. It obliterated Facebook walls as if they were burning villages, leaving nothing but ashes and smoke behind. Even a former First Lady was enthused.
Let’s hear what the band members have to say about the project.
Ayy man, smell my finger lmao! I promise to funk, promise to keep it, promise to keep it funk. We gonna get satisfied!
Being interrupted by Kanye West is the best thing that ever happened to me. He made me realize I didn’t deserve that grammy. After a full month of nightmares involving a giant Beyoncé, Kanye’s floating head and disappearing award trophies I finally got it together. After a long call with my good friend Thurston Moore I decided to join this new endeavour to hopefully win a grammy. Deservingly, this time.
After To Pimp A Butterfly dropped I felt a little lost. Right after release people were in my face asking me all kinds of question like “Are you a prophet?” “When is the new album coming?” “When will we hear your collab with J. Cole?”. I don’t care about none of that. All my focus now is making this black metal project as fly as I can. Everybody is already hooked on TPAB so we already got matching black Dashikis and some mad features on deck so stay tuned.
Perfect women don’t just fall down from the sky and land in your lap. You have to go look for them. You have to… earn them. There are many things you can do today to attract a good wife. I am joining this black metal supergroup, for example.
One Foot In Compton, Another In Bergen / You Shouldn’t Nut On Deez Golden Feelings is the title of this upcoming double-LP. Some of the confirmed tracks are “I want to dream, mane” featuring George Clarke (Deafheaven) and Juicy J, “Channeling The Power Of Funk Into A New God” and “I Wonder If Valhalla Has A Ghetto” featuring 2Pac‘s hologram. I can’t hardly wait.
Come forth, my children. You may now throw your afflictions unto the center ov the swirling Toilet.