Photo Chop: 20th Anniversary Edition


Photo Chop turns 20! We’ve had fun watching it grow up. Time sure flies, doesn’t it? Our once-little ‘Chop is settling into its college curriculum now, and while it’s still going through its “finding myself” phase, its skin is starting to clear up and it’s almost old enough to drink! Look out world! Am I right?

Of course this is all pointless because we’re talking about a series of online articles, which is really just a collection of ones and zeroes, and therefore cannot attend college, cannot go through a phase, cannot have skin and cannot drink. As a cybernetic organism, I myself also run on ones and zeroes, but since I am also composed of living tissue over a metal endoskeleton, I can attend college (if it helps my mission), I do have skin and I can drink whatever/whenever I choose, since nutrition or lack thereof is immaterial to my operation. I’ve never been through a phase though… well, unless you count that time I tried to make a joke. Nobody laughed and I had to lay low for awhile.

So what does all this have to do with Photo Chop? Nothing. I’m trying to find something to talk about because honestly there wasn’t a whole lot of choppin’ going on in the last edition. What, you fuckers have something better to do? However, we do get to congratulate Óðinn for stepping up to the plate and dominating yet again with his Trump guitar face monstrosity:


Óðinn, if thou wisheth, get your big blue ice zombie face in touch with me to request your custom voicemail greeting and/or weird audio shit. Keep in mind I have a rich collection of fine toilet flush samples.

For this, our 20th Anniversary Widescreen Extended Director’s Cut Platinum Remastered Collector’s Edition of Photo Chop, I’m leaving all chopping decisions entirely up to you, the loyal flusher. This is now an open swim for whatever the fuck you feel like making, so let that calculatingly caddish crystal clear creativity flow through you like so much tank water from a catastrophically callous and cock-clenchingly clogged commode.

To assist in your godless visual endeavor, here are a few unhelpful suggestions to get your brainball rolling:

  • Alternate album covers
  • Live performances gone wrong
  • …Satan
  • Tapirs everywhere
  • Sarah Connor
  • John Connor
  • What’s Ivan Moody up to right now?
  • A pyramid of severed heads
  • Sweet sweet dragon fucking
  • A new model of TruckNutz
  • Austin Weber > Dave Grohl
  • Trve icy kvltness
  • Necrobutcher
  • Butt stuff
  • Rhymes with “Mustaine”
  • This guy
  • Someone shooting a laser beam out of their mouth at a giant dickspider
  • One of these:

As always, the rules:

  • Keep it safe for work
  • Be creative and use whatever tools you want; “talent” or “skill” is not required
  • Post your entry in a new Disqus comment below
  • Entries will be judged on the number of upvotes they receive
  • The winner will be announced in the next edition and can request a custom audio thingy
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