Shirt Stains: Psycr-optic

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Eye Coffin

Australian techy deathy weedily deedilyers Psycroptic have been around since 1999. That’s over twenty years of face-melting, butt-smashing technical death metal. They have toured all over the world with such brutal mainstays as Nile, Deicide, Incantation, Aborted, and Goatwhore. At this point, it’s safe to say that they’re pros. They know what they’re doing. They’re pros that have honed in on their craft and are able to give the people what they want.

Apparently, their people want this.

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Someone get me to an emergency eye wash station. Douse me in Bactine. Take me to a drive-thru Coronavirus testing station. It hurts! It burns! It hurnts! Why an all-over print. WHY?! Did we just have to have this art on the collar and sleeves? Was it to distract from Mothman Junior? It looks like Predator’s awkward half brother, Porkchop. They call him that because he once ate a porkchop-shaped dog toy as a child. Is he a samurai? Is that a blob of honey in his mouth or is he just happy to see me? There’s so many different shades of brown that it looks like someone left a bag of M &Ms on the shirt and left it out in the summer sun.

The artwork is from the band’s fourth album Ob(servant), released in 2008. If you weren’t familiar with Psycroptic, I wouldn’t blame you for not knowing this is a Psycroptic shirt. Heck, I know who they are and if someone wearing this passed by me in the street, I wouldn’t have known it’s Psycroptic. There’s no name or album title any sort of indicator that it’s even a band shirt. Perhaps they just felt that the album artwork was so iconic, so easily recognizable that people would just know. Maybe I’m being unfair. I shouldn’t rush to judgement. The back probably has all that important info on it.

Oh, goddamnit.

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