Stream Grinder’s New Javapocalypse, My Maker and Me

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TOSS OUT THAT CUP OF WEAK, BURNT, AND SUGAR-LADEN STARBUCKS COFFEE AND TAKE A SHOT OF GRINDER’S BRAND NEW, FREE-TRADE, DARK-ROASTED, POUR OVER ALBUM, MY MAKER AND ME! IT’S JUST THE SHOT OF ESPRESSO YOU NEED TO BE UNCOMFORTABLY ENERGETIC ALL DAY! SO DOWN THAT SECOND CUP, PUT ON A NEW POT, AND CRUCIFY THAT MF CAFFEINATED CAPS LOCK! IT’S TIME TO GRIND!

EVERY WEEK THIS MONTH, THE PREMIERE, SUMATRA-SOURCED, CHEMEX-BREWED COFFEE GRINDCORE BAND GRINDER IS DROPPING A BRAND NEW ALBUM, AND TODAY, I’M PLEASED AS HELL TO OPEN YOUR GULLET AND POUR THE STEAMY BLACK GOODNESS OF GRINDER’S FIRST FEBRUARY BREW DOWN YOUR THIRSTY THROAT. AHHHHHH, THAT’S GOOD CRUDE!

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IN CASE YOU’RE STILL IN A DAZE OF SLEEP AND NEED A JOLT OF CAFFEINE TO RECALL YOUR MEMORY, GRINDER IS THE BEST (AND PROBABLY ONLY) GRINDCORE BAND FRONTED BY A COFFEEMAKER. AS I RECOUNTED THE FIRST TIME I TASTED THE SWEET, ACIDIC TINES OF THE COFFEE GRIND, THIS NOVELTY ACT DELIVERS GNARLY RIFFS, STOMACH-TURNING GURGLES, AND FANTASTIC COFFEE PUNS. WHILE GRINDER’S LATEST CHECKS ALL THOSE BOXES ONCE AGAIN, MY MAKER AND ME LEANS EVEN HARDER INTO THE WONDERFUL WEIRDNESS OF THE NOVELTY’S ACT, AND WE’RE ALL THE BETTER FOR IT.

YOU SEE, PROGRAMMER/GUITARIST/MASTERMIND NICK TOOMS MUST HAVE HAD A FEW EXTRA SHOTS OF ESPRESSO IN HIS MORNING BREW, BECAUSE HE’S INJECTED EVEN MORE WACKINESS INTO THE ALREADY OFF-FILTER PREMISE. ACROSS THE NEW ALBUM YOU’LL HEAR ALL MANNER OF SAVORY SAMPLES, RANGING FROM CLASSIC APPLE MACINTOSH ORATION, DEATH GRIPS SOUNDBITES, ACCUSATIONS OF MURDER VIA BAD COFFEE (PROBABLY WHATEVER YOUR OFFICE SECRETARY HAS BREWING IN THE KITCHEN SUITE RIGHT NOW) AND A CRYPTIC WARNING THAT YOU CAN’T EAT AN AIR CONDITIONER! ON A MORE SERIOUS RECORD, THESE SAMPLES WOULD BE A GLARING DISTRACTION FROM THE MUSIC, BUT THANKS TO THE OVERALL WHIMSY OF THE PROJECT, THEY ONLY MAKE THE QUALITY OF THE RIFFS EVEN MORE DISTINCT!

AND BUDDY, LET ME TELL YOU. THESE RIFFS BRING IT. TOOMS’S GUITAR WORK HERE LANDS SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE ZANINESS OF SOCKWEB AND THE RAZOR-SHARP ASSAULT OF AGORAPHOBIC NOSEBLEED. TRACKS LIKE “THIS MACHINE BREWS COFFEE” AND “CFFNE HIiiii.” FEATURE GENUINELY MENACING FRET EXERCISES, WITH RIFFS STARTING AND STOPPING AS SUDDENLY (AND DANGEROUSLY) AS YOUR HEART AFTER YOUR THIRTEENTH CUP OF JOE. THROW IN A CRYSTALLINE PRODUCTION (NO GROUNDS IN THIS GRIND) AND A SURPRISING SENSE OF MELODY AND CLARITY, AND YOU’VE GOT A MUG FULL OF SOME OF THE SHARPEST, CLEANEST GRIND RIFFS YOU’LL HEAR ALL YEAR. ACCENTED AS THEY ARE WITH SUBTLE NOTES OF HILARITY (FROM THE SAMPLES) AND NOT-SO-SUBTLE SHOTS OF ADRENALINE (COURTESY OF THE WONDERFULLY DERANGED DRUM PROGRAMMING), THIS ALBUM’S RIFFS CONSTITUTE ONE INCREDIBLY STRONG AMERICANO.

MY MAKER AND ME IS THE FIRST IN GRINDER’S FEBRUARY QUADRILOGY OF NEW RELEASES, I DRINK IT TO LIVE, SUCKA. NOW THAT’S AN ETHOS I CAN BACK. HARD.

WITH ITS WICKED BLEND OF DISARMING HUMOR AND ALARMING RIFFS, GRINDER ARE NOW MY PREFERRED SOURCE OF THAT SWEET CAFFEINE. HEAD OVER TO BANDCAMP TO MAKE IT YOURS TOO!

PUT THAT GRINDER IN ME!


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