The True Best Albums In 2018
You thought you’d seen the last of them. You thought they were over. You thought wrong. And you’ve nowhere to run.
I have taken Lacertilian’s most excellent and very scientifically objective method of Advanced Mathematics ov Perpetual Tresholds ov Bankcruptcy and applied them worldwide. Yes, I am that fast. And what I have here to present to you are the Objectively Best Albums In The Year Of Our Lord 2018.
5. Leevi and The Leavings – Raha Ja Rakkaus
Yes, it’s true that Leevi and The Leavings barely ever even tried tried to hide their frontman’s affection for reggae music. While none of the songs represented here truly fall into that category, it’s influence can be heard in much of the guitar playing. But it’s all frosted with a nigh impenetrable wall of northern melancholy and populist iskelmä. But when that sax hits in “Kaivopuiston Kuristaja”you can smell the sweat on Fabio’s exposed pectoral muscles, the musky scent emanating from his long, flowing, wavy hair. His dreamy silhouette pelvic thrusting the night away, as you your nogging is nodding to the beat of the lyrics “”Quietly you lie on your face, I caress your hair//I recall my girl Silja, as in the bushes I conceal you” And who couldn’t relate to topics like (literally) burning love or being 22 and unsure if you’re a boy or a girl. Dead folks, and heartless people, that’s who.
4. Leevi and The Leavings – Rakkauden Planeetta
Rakkauden Planeetta tackles topics like ecology, global devastation, prostitution and plumbing the depths of the Finnish mind-set, through the eyes of a man dead-set on building his house with his own hands. While still featuring the mellow, sunshine rhythms, but now a largely synthesizer-based sound, it closes with one of the few acceptable Christmas songs. But it’s true, crowning jewel lies on the sad, suburban story “Itkisitkö Onnesta?”. “I don’t know if I even tried, to hit the brake-pedal. Or did I just forget brake, on the sludgy curve. I am sorry for everything, don’t remember me poorly. On the oncoming lane, it’s difficult to skate.– Don’t confess to anything, not even to the infant child. Nobody will understand, what we’ve been through” Sweet populist Jesus.
3. Leevi and The Leavings – Hopeahääpäivä
It wen on too long. It’s rare that anyone manages to so constantly keep the semblance of quality (on the other hand, it’s rare that anyone would keep releasing music for so long). But after several, more or less throwaway records, The Leavings squeezed out one final masterpiece. And two months later, having celebrated their 25-year long career, died prematurely with it’s 46-years old frontman. From celestial journey’s into drug addiction and suicide, through a lovable but useless repairman and unqualified secretaries, towards children taken from their father. It retains little of the happy pop of yore,but remains playful and almost childlike in it’s overtly depressed demeanor and every song hits home, “Lahopää-Liisa” doubly so,thanks to geographical accuracy. Having lost it’s most misunderstood, human-hating, society-loathing nihilist, the world is a far worse place now. And the pain never stops.
2. Jethro Tull – Heavy Horses
The “Leevi” in The Leavings – Gösta Sundqvist – was a huge Jethro Tull fan. Never was there even the slightest attempt to hide this, in fact The Leavings crafted several Jethro Tull -pastiches to revel in, and re-imagined Aqualung’s titular character for the cover art of Häntä Koipien Välissä. Therefore, the inclusion of Heavy Horses is viable. It’s playful and folkish demeanor barely hiding it’s prog-filled heart, much like the mastery of melancholy, iskelmä and populism never truly hid the depressed, nihilistic heart of Gösta’s work for those with eyes to see, ears to hear.
1. Leevi and The Leavings – Häntä Koipien Välissä
Whatever your favourite album is, this is better. Fact. From every balalaika plucked melody, to every last marimba hit, it’s pure perfection. Still, to this day has not the sadness we so willingly revel in been so beautifully condensed, never has nihilism seemed so ready to embrace the whole world in a warm hug. Loneliness, death, poverty, the small joys of life – shapely women, being seduced by your girlfriends mother and salacious life – going to prison and being cuckolded while your wife steals your loot have never sounded so endearing. Almost as if they were things in life worth reaching for. In the undertones the depression and disgust shake hands, but the glint in the corner of the eye, that distinct sense of humour never disappears. After a careful, scientific calculation I arrived to conclusion these were the best album you could listen to in 2018. But not only that – each of these has been reissued by Svart Records! Except Heavy Horses, which was reissued by Parlophone/Warner. Making these also the de facto best albums released in 2018. Science, baby!
This has not been a joke post