2 Questions for whoever bought a chunk of Dead’s skull

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Why you even gotta do a thing, man.

This week I saw that some guy bought a piece of skull formerly owned and used by extremely deceased former Mayhem frontman Per Yngve Ohlin, or “Dead” if you want to use his stage name and also be extremely perceptive. Dead, as you all know, was a death-obsessed Swede that briefly fronted the edgelords of chaos before doming himself with a shotgun. Dead’s soon to be also dead bandmate Euronymous found his lifeless body and promptly called for emergency services took photos of his splattered brain and collected some skull fragments. It was said that Euronymous would send fragments of Dead’s skull to people he deemed to be non-posers.

Recently, one of those non-posers went and made himself untrve by turning around and hocking a bit of skull on something called Serial Killers Ink, a “true crime collectibles and memorabilia company” that specializes in profiting from human misery by selling murder tchotchkes to disgusting shut-ins. The shard of Dead’s skull fetched $3500. That would be three thousand five hundred smackaroos. For a teeny little sliver of blown up head. I have some questions for the man that bought it. (Though the sale was anonymous you’ll never convince me a woman purchased this shit).

The skull chunk for sale

Question #1: 
Where in the fuck did you get $3500? If you’re the kinda cat that’s (A) way, way too involved in black metal and (B) way, way too interested in collecting body parts, you don’t strike me as a big money hustler. Did you scrimp and save for this one? Sacrifice your kid’s college fund? Sell some first pressings of Impaled Northern Moonforest? What gives, pal? Share your money making secrets.

Question #2:
You’re gonna put this up your dick hole, aren’t you? Look at the size comparison next to that penny. It’s dick hole sized. Do not put this dude’s skull up your dick hole. It might get stuck.

Do you have questions for the mysterious skull buyer? Ask them in the comments. 

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