Toy Stains: Kit Kats Hanging From Poles


I remember Halloween!

It is once again the time for ghouls, goblins, and wearing costumes that show off your ding dongs and ho-hos. Halloween is here and for most it is officially “come as you aren’t” time. Horror punk legends the Misfits always come extra hard on Halloween. Wait, that didn’t sound right. What I meant to say is that while every day is Halloween, the actual holiday means it is time to bust out some new merchandise.

Second only to KISS in terms of slapping their name and logo on whatever they can, whether it’s Uggs, swimwear, a bucket, or shower curtains. Heck, they even sell paper masks. Don’t ask me why you can’t just print it out on your home computer for free, but what do I know? I’m not the one that beat Danzig in court and then somehow roped him in to doing incredibly lucrative reunion shows. I hope Jerry Only eats wagyu beef while sitting on a solid gold toilet.

All that being said, it is Halloween and the Misfits are never ones to miss an opportunity. Nothing says Halloween like candy and the Misfits are ready to deliver the goods.

How delightful! A Misfits-themed Kit Kat. I would definitely eat 1 or 2 or 10 of those. The wrapper looks high quality and has some oh-so-clever references and jokes. From the looks of it, the Kit Kat could be dark chocolate with a red velvet wafer. At least, I hope it is because that sounds way better than the licorice referenced at the bottom. Yuck. Let’s open this horror punk confection and see how the finished product looks.

To quote R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket,

“Holy Jesus. What is that?

I mean, I know that this is a 6″ vinyl figure limited to  666 pieces that the Misfits are selling for $40. Scratch that. They were selling it for $40 because it is now sold out. That I understand. What I don’t understand is what that is actually supposed to be. A candy vampire that was dipped in LSD and forced to watch The Joker on repeat for 100 hours? Look at those faces! Look at those feet! It’s practically screaming “Why, Father? Why have you created me?! All I feel is pain!”

I get wanting to support a band you like, but you don’t have to buy every plastic hunk of crap or unholy abomination just because. Your Funko POP Fiend doesn’t need a friend. Although to be fair, your Doyle action figure might. So what’s on the back of this…thing?

Of course. It wouldn’t be a Misfits product without the Fiend on it. If Jerry Only could legally send people his own feces, he’d wrap it in a black and white box with that logo on it. They’d charge $100 and you’d better believe it would sell out too. Keep your eye out for it next Halloween.

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