Whiff o’ the Week (2/1/2015)
“Go, then. There are other worlds than these.”
Release from life. This is Whiff o’ the Week.
For the second week in a row, you have made me exceptionally proud and chosen Fred Durst. I’m glad to see him recognized for what he is: just the worst. All glory to the Guacamole.
Effective after today’s Whiff contest (because I still want you to vote for my pal Ellipsis if you see fit), NO MORE FRED DURST entries. It’s just too easy, like submitting Iron Maiden for Riff ov the Week. Besides, Fred is starting to cause serious damage to my plumbing.
Since many of you seem to think The Masterlord and I are one and the same (we are), I though I’d try to increase Toilet synergy by choosing a foil category to next week’s Riff category. What is the worst metal song from 2002? Note that I said metal song, so don’t submit something stupid.
This week, however, we’re talking about bad collaborations. Two artists combining forces can often make sweet musical love and spawn something beautiful. These are exceptions to that circumstance. Let’s get this done.
W.
Do you remember when Apocalyptica were an interesting novelty act that played cello covers of Metallica songs? Well, I blame this collaboration with Corey Taylor for single-handedly blowing that load.
Joe Thrashnkill
I had this album when I was a kid. I had a lot of bad albums as a kid. In addition to tough guy growly Black Sabbath covers by turn of the century luminaries like Godsmack and Static X, Nativity in Black II contained this breathtakingly unnecessary update of “Iron Man”, featuring Busta Rhymes completely phoning it in and Ozzy himself adding grating new lyrics to a tune that hasn’t aged well to begin with.
Maik Beninton
If you ever wondered what would happen if Mötley Crüe had breakdowns, played djent, and got Fronz from Attila on guest vocals, then here it is.
Stan Laurel
In Flames continue their trajectory towards the lowest common denominator, this time through a collaboration with Pendulum.
Ellipsis
Which is worst? Fred Durst or Jonathan Davis? Homophobia or incest jokes? Detuned nu metal riffage or hybrid nu metal beats? There isn’t really a wrong answer, but this Korn and Fred Durst abomination insists we ask these questions. The whole thing’s awful, but skip to 4:29 to hear Jon and Fred “ironically” declare their intense infatuation with each other.
Coolstorybro
It’s not difficult to put your finger on what makes this the worst collaboration ever. Two bands playing together that don’t really have any common points of musical reference? Check. Covering an incredibly late-sixties context specific song from a different genre altogether? Double check. Removing most of the lyrics so it’s just two people yelling slurs at each other? And how. My favorite part is probably Perry Farrell just yelling the n-word over and over while Dave Navarro plays some tuneless nonsense in the background. Truly one for the ages.
MoshOff
This is the absolute worst collaboration I could think of, not only because the song is the aural equivalent of being caressed with a porcupine’s rotted carcass, but because of the nature of the collaboration itself. Nickelback‘s “Side of a Bullet” is about the murder of a Dimebag Darrell, and *features* a solo played by him (at 2:02). Vinny Paul, Darrell’s brother, basically gave permission to use a track Dime had recorded before his death, so by now you shouldn’t have to listen to it to know how horribly forced it sounds.
FeelTheDarkness
I nominate Coal Chamber with Ozzy for destroying “Shock The Monkey.” Why you ask? Just listen to it. LOLBUTTZ!
Dagon
I have no idea how they convinced the members of Sunn O))) to be a part of the video.
Randall Thor
Fire Serj.
Ted Nü-Djent
What the fuck is this old tart’s caper?
Nordling Rites ov Karhu
Most of the album is okay, but this is an epitome of boredom.
Well, there you have it. Which of these foul creations should have been aborted from the beginning?
Feel free to defend any of these choices in the comments section and tell me what a turd I am for my opinion. Also, if you hate something I love, send it to me for the next Whiff o’ the Week! All opinions here are strictly those of the writer in question, although most of them are correct.
