You Pick the Sexiest Dude in Metal: THE FOXY FOUR
It’s down to the final four sexy metal men! Vote for your favorite hottie to make it to the championship!
Inspired by Revolver Magazine, who, against all odds and relevance, just published their annual collection of the “25 HOTTEST CHICKS IN HARD ROCK”, we’ve decided to reduce humanity to its basest, most bangable instincts. The TovH writing staff made our selections for 32 of our favorite heavy metal hunks and we’ve placed them all in sweaty head-to-head competition against each other for our own carnal amusement. We’ve decided to include metal guys young and old, in addition to a couple of dearly departed, especially sexy dudes. Which hottie will take home the crown of Sexiest Dude in Metal? It’s up to you, the reader. Make your picks and then put your bold predictions for the tournament in the comments.
Before we get the new contests, let’s look at the results of the last round of voting!
Andy Williams (8619) vs Adam Jarvis (7203)
Doyle (756) vs Chuck Schuldiner (1384)
Peter Steele (2302) vs Jeff Loomis (680)
Doug Moore (22938) vs Greg Puciato (22637)
We need to address this one. I left the polls open in good faith. That was a mistake. It seems two different giant fucking nerds wrote scripts to automatically vote for Doug and Greg, respectively. At this point, there is no way to determine how many of the votes for either entrant are legit or not. For this round we will grant Doug the victory but this round is locked up with cookie tracking. Don’t fuck with it or everyone’s disqualified.
Peter Steele (Type O Negative) VS. Chuck Schuldiner (Death)
It’s a sexy dead guy battle for the ages! Stone cold sexy Steele vs sweet, smoky Schuldiner. How can you possibly decide? 6′ 7″ Peter Steele was a sensual crooner with a dong immortalized in the pages of Playgirl. Chuck was a sweetheart that loved animals and almost single handedly built the entire genre of death metal. Choose wisely.
Doug Moore (Pyrrhon) VS. Andy Williams (Every Time I Die)
We’ve cut the competition down to just two of the most masculine modern men of metal. Will it be Doug Moore, the swole, intelligent frontman of skonkmeisters Pyrrhon? Or will it be the pro-wrasslin’, party metallin’ big bear of Every Time I Die? As Puff Daddy said, Vote or go to hell.