The Poopsmith’s Choice: Verminous Incubation and Marathon of Gore
Greetings, denizens of the Toilet. It is I, your humble poopsmith, keeper of the bowl and shoveler of clogs, here to take over this Sunday Sesh. Over its three years of growth, the Toilet ov Hell has become quite the intricate pipework of twisted sewage and backed up septic systems (from flushing all those posers, I suppose). Someone has to keep this crap mountain churning, though, so here I am. It’s a poopy job, but well, it does have its perks. Down here, where everything floats, I get to hear the foulest slam and gore. Join me as I dig through my big pile of refuse and dig out two dank kernels of goodness to share with all you defecators.
Verminous Incubation – Internal Cultivation of Prior Infestation
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There’s something absolutely rancid about Verminous Incubation‘s approach to cybergore; this three track compilation reeks like a big wet-food steamer left in a litter box in the hot sun for days on end. There are no true riffs to be found here; instead VI blend retro new-wave-esque synths so cheesy they may as well be mozzarella with some of the most vile, bilge-gurgling vocals you’ll ever here. Seriously, press play on “Adipocreal Anomalies” and listen in for about 5 minutes. Go on. I’ll wait.
Yeah, gnarly doesn’t even come close to describing that. Those pitch-shifted vocals sound exactly like my bowel movement after eating at that hole-in-the-wall Chinese buffet. It’s comforting really. To dream that someone else out there experiences the same type of gastrointestinal distress regularly reminds me that I’m not alone! Plus, those jackhammer digital drums remind me of the sound the plumbing makes when ol’ Leif Bearikson has downed too much protein powder and has to hammer the Toilet Mansion’s basement commode with the industrial plunger. It’s a soothing rhythm, if you dream of robots and poop when you sleep, as I do.
For featuring the absolutely absurd combination of chamber pot sloshing vocals with synths reminiscent of the sewer stage (my favorite, obvs) from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Internal Cultivation of Prior Infestation gets a 7 on the Bristol Scale.
Marathon of Gore – Splenic Rupture Demo
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If Verminous Incubation are a wet eruption after Indian food, brutal sewage-huffers Marathon of Gore are a flaming deuce dropped after a night of eating way too much Peri Peri sauce at Nando’s. This is the kind of dump that leaves you in a sobbing shamble on your john, crying out to whatever deity you believe in through your ugly tears and profuse sweat to “Please, please, just make it stop.” It’s the kind of thing that clears out a party (not that I’d know, folks don’t tend to invite me to party because, well, I shovel poop all day). Don’t believe me? Next time you’re invited to a social gathering, eat a bunch of spicy, authentic Mexican food beforehand and leave a ragged doo in the guest bathroom just before you capture the aux cable and switch on some Marathon of Gore. See which clears the patrons out first, that creeping miasma from the watercloset or the horrendous blasts and burbles from Splenic Rupture Demo.
To be honest, I’m not sure what I like more about this little demo, the trash-can blasts that remind me of the sweet melody of a toilet lid slamming home to hide the shame of your drunken binge-eating mistakes or the gassy vocals that could easily scare your dog out of the room. Marathon of Gore juxtapose nicely (like a brown trout in a pristine porcelain throne, I suppose) with Verminous Incubation in that there are actually riffs here. Nasty, bubbling death metal riffs with the distortion cranked to 11 and delivered with the force of a turd rocketing out after you’ve gotten bloated on way too much peppermint schnapps. It’s a perfect combo, much like the #1 at Macca’s, to deliver a short, violent burst of absolutely gory poop.
For leaving me raw and sweaty, Splenic Rupture Demo gets a 6 on the Bristol Scale.
That’s it for me. Word just came down the pipe (literally) that Dubs has been eating spicy shrimp, so it’s all hands on deck. Until next time, remember that even dookies can sometimes hide diamonds.
– The Poopsmith
