Shirt Stains: Misfits Bootlegs

March 31, 2017

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Where Bootlegs Dare

Besides KISS, no other band has splashed their name, logo, symbol, and likeness on more merchandise than the Misfits. Beyond shirts, hoodies, tank top, sweaters, hats, and gloves, the Misfits also have their own bobbleheads, skateboard decks, masks, bags, lights, bikinis, cardigans, and Valentine’s Day cards. Guitarist Doyle von Frankenstein even has his own hot sauce. It’s safe to say that The Misfits have a strong handle on their merchandise, especially now that they’ve buried the hatchet with Glenn Danzig.

So why in the world are there bootleg/mashup Misfits shirts being sold on Facebook and elsewhere? Well, because those sites don’t care and there’s plenty of gullible dummies willing to spend money on shady, fly-by-night “fan” pages. We’ve seen this done time and time again and it appears that there is no end in sight. While a band like The Misfits won’t see much of a dent in their bottom line, it definitely hurts the smaller or more obscure bands. Don’t give these bootleggers your money. Instead, heap tons of scorn on their shitty, hackneyed products.

The Misfits are a mostly apolitical band. I say mostly because former vocalist Michael Graves is (well, was, anyway) a proud Republican, and some people could interpret some as their songs as having political meaning. Compared to their punk contemporaries, though, The Misfits are not political. That’s why this (presumably) pro-Trump shirt using the band’s classic Crimson Ghost mascot is so strange. To my knowledge, past and present members of the band haven’t really said anything about Trump. It’s just all very weird and specific. Gross too. I don’t even think that’s actually Trump’s hair carefully photoshopped on to the Ghost. It may in face be wheat gluten mixed with paste.

Nothing says punk rock like the guy with steaks and water named after him. All the squatters and crusties can talk about is cutting funding for the arts and nominating Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court. Nothing gets them more excited than exclusivity and eliminating programs for the needy. Maybe the bootleggers are hoping some of the Fiend Club are also members of private golf clubs. It could totally, probably, maybe happen.

Huh. This is an interesting one. This shirt takes its picture from a cute little illustration that’s been floating around the internet for several years. Once again, the bootleggers going for that specific cross section of fan of the Misfits + fan of random other thing. This one I believe has more appeal than the Trump one, but who knows? Maybe this is for actual the Muppets to wear. Sam Eagle and Crazy Harry probably get down to “We Are 138” and “Skulls”.

Not only does this shirt ripoff The Misfits, but the artist that created it. If you Google “Misfits Muppets” you can see this image showing up in multiple places. Do you think the artist will see 1 cent from these sales? I can guarantee that they will not. When your business model is “Step 1: Ripoff people, Step 2: Profit” you try to screw as many people as possible as quickly as possible. These bootleggers are 2 weeks away from just printing shirts with the Shuttershock watermarks still on the pictures.

If anything ever required the “lol wut?” response, it is this shirt. I grabbed this off of the same Facebook page as the others, but it turns out, it is also for sale on Teepublic.com. Now you can easily get shirts, hoodies, baseball t’s, mugs, and cell phone cases with your favorite Misfits/convicted rapist mashup. Heck, even the kids can get in on the action. Fun for the entire family!

This shirt is barely a one-note joke. It might make you giggle the same way crippling existentialism might make you giggle. This is a joke even Carlos Mencia wouldn’t steal. Probably. Dane Cook definitely would and it would mostly be yelling noises. Would Tyson find this funny? I wouldn’t risk it. Hell, I wouldn’t risk wearing it around Jerry Only and Doyle. They’re still big guys. Speaking of Doyle…

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck this is bad. This is painful. This is like falling crotch-first onto a vinegar cactus. This is crawling through 100 yards of broken glass and monkey puke painful. I can’t believe the balls on these bootleggers actually photoshopping a picture of Doyle to make it look like he’s wearing this suckass shirt. We’ve seen this done before with this Metallica bootleg and it doesn’t get any less creepy. In fact, it gets creepier because this is a shit photoshop job. You can see the wobbly edges of the shirt near his shoulders. They actually had to extend the black part just a bit to fit the “M” for My in.

Were there Misfits fans out there dying to have a shirt that made a reference to Harry Potter? Were there Harry Potter fans out there dying to have a shirt referencing the Misfits? Sweet Dr. Chud, I hope not. According to Pottermore.com, Patronus is “a form of advanced magic, which even the most qualified wizards can struggle with.” So this shirt means that the wearer’s form of advanced magic is Misfits. Misfits music, Misfits members, Misfits shame, we’ll never know. I think that’s for the best.