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Simon Phoenix

Simon Phoenix

Simon Phoenix is a maniac and crimelord who gives no fucks about your feelings. While he likes most all forms of metal, he is a connoisseur on (almost) all things thrash and will murderdeathkill anyone who badmouths modern thrash. Originally from the Brady Bunch haven of San Angeles, he currently resides in an undisclosed location in New York City.

  • 22
    Sep

    Premiere: Mason – “Burn”

    Metal, New Stuff, Premiere
    By Simon Phoenix
    2768
    6
    Australian thrash band Mason are set to self-release their second full-length Impervious on October 8th, and we have a stream ...
    Read More
  • 11
    Sep

    Exclusive Stream: Oraculum’s Always Higher

    Metal, New Stuff, Premiere
    By Simon Phoenix
    3997
    28
    Chile just continues to assembly line fantastic bands of the extreme variety, don’t they?
    Read More
  • 22
    Nov

    Crossing the Thrashold: Post Election Mexican Standoff

    Metal, New Stuff
    By Simon Phoenix
    3193
    50
    Well I’ll be goddamned, Toileteers. I’m gone from writing for the Toilet for a couple of months and y’all manage ...
    Read More
  • 1
    Nov

    Review: Eternal Champion – The Armor of Ire

    Nerd Shit, Reviews
    By Simon Phoenix
    4842
    109
    The warrior stands at the edge of the field, his sweaty hand clenching his sword. Sweat is dripping down his ...
    Read More
  • 31
    Aug

    Hip-Hop Record Swap: Joe vs. Simon

    Not Metal, Reviews
    By Simon Phoenix
    2853
    65
    It’s time for another Record Swap! Our Toilet Texan Kommadant Joe Thrashinkill is battling intergalactic criminal Simon Phoenix. The genre: ...
    Read More
  • 30
    Jun

    Simon Says So Long Acheron

    Metal, News
    By Simon Phoenix
    2761
    42
    You know, of all the insane events, celebrity deaths (fucking Phife Dawg, man.), and political clusterfucks (LofuckingL at Great Britain) ...
    Read More
  • 11
    May

    Review: Desaster – The Oath of An Iron Ritual

    Reviews
    By Simon Phoenix
    3858
    69
    Well goddamn. While 2016 doesn’t yet trump (ha) 2015’s metal releases, it’s making a really valiant effort to catch up.
    Read More
  • 14
    Mar

    Crossing the Thrashold: Craven Idol

    Metal
    By Simon Phoenix
    3305
    32
    2015 was an exceptionally shitty year for me, citizens. Not musically of course, as there was a smorgasbord of excellent albums ...
    Read More
  • 12
    Jun

    The Best Band in Rhode Island is Eternal Khan

    The Best Unsigned Band in the US
    By Simon Phoenix
    4468
    89
    Back in August 2014 we asked you to help us find the best unsigned bands in America. After listening to ...
    Read More
  • 8
    Jun

    Crossing the Thrashold: Ripper

    Metal, New Stuff
    By Simon Phoenix
    4766
    82
    I am vexed at you, citizens. Infuriated, enraged, FOOKIN livid. The butthurt is strong within my veins this day.
    Read More
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