Firespawn – Lucifer Has Spoken: A Video Breakdown
Lucifer says “Waaaasssssssuuuuuppppppp!”
Heavily computerized music videos just don’t work. Whether it’s a lot of CGI or just a green screen, music videos (and anything else for that matter) never look quite right. While CGI effects may allow people to fully realize their vision of say, a cybernetic T-Rex shooting rocket dildos out of its robo-dong, they just don’t have the same look and feel as practical effects. On top of that, those fancy computer graphics don’t age well. Just ask Lacuna Coil. Keep all this in mind as we watch Swedish death metal band Firespawn’s new video for their song “Lucifer Has Spoken”.
0:01: It’s my favorite band “Firespjawwwht”!
0:03: I think the Matrix just reset.
0:07: This calls for some Spooky Scary Skeletons.
0:11: Lucifer would have texted, but you’re at your monthly limit.
0:20: “Did I ever tell you my favorite color is blue?”
0:22: Man, the s’mores are going to be ruined.
0:25: Too close!
0:27: Superjoint Ritual must be using the other room.
0:33: Cool! His cymbal is made of Swiss cheese.
0:37: I can practically smell what he had for lunch.
0:41: Uh, dude? Camera’s over here.
0:44: You wanted hot gate action, you got hot gate action.
0:51: 66? I didn’t know Firespawn were Mario Lemieux fans.
0:59: So is the camera actually dirty or did they digitally put in dust and smudges?
1:09: Pause it right here if you want to catch vocalist LG Petrov in mid-sneeze.
1:18: Yup, still too close.
1:22: Amazingly, we’re now even closer.
1:26: I will say that there is a lot of silky, smooth hair in this video.
1:30: So does Petrov have a condition where he can only move his head and a little of his torso?
1:32: The ring next to the crack symbolizes broken vows. Or a love of crack. I’m not positive.
1:35: I just want to get some Windex and wipe down the camera.
1:39: Oh, so that’s what Donald Trump meant when he said Megyn Kelly was “bleeding out of her… wherever.”
1:43: Gotta get the fire marshal in there. That CGI church is structurally unsound.
1:46: Okay, that was cool.
1:48: Invisible oranges? Pssh, try invisible watermelon!
1:53: Those computer flames are going to give him terrible split ends.
2:01: Wienie Roast, party of five!
2:07: Plenty of toasted buns, too!
2:10: This hot gate action has gotten even hotter cue sexy saxophone music
2:13: The heat waves on their legs are a nice touch. It’s like I totally believe they’re playing in a burning church and are too into it to run for their lives.
2:21: Firespawn spits hot fire.
2:28: It’s not a death metal video unless there’s a skull involved.
2:39: “Go Pittsburgh Penguins!”
2:43: I’d hate to see what all that fake heat is doing to their leather pants.
2:50: Somewhere, Smokey The Bear is shaking his head in disapproval.
2:58: Someone needs some Clear Eyes. It gets the red out.
3:04: Yes! Windmill your hair to put out the fire!
3:11: Shit! It’s just fanning the flames and making things worse!
3:20: Instead of having a flamethrower like the Doof Warrior in Mad Max, Firespawn should have a fire extinguisher on the end of their instruments.
3:29: Maybe a blazing solo wasn’t a good idea for this situation.
3:37: Stop! The solo is making it worse!
3:44: Milk was a bad idea!
3:49: High five.
3:56: I think it’s worth pointing out that the bassist is named A. Impaler.
4:00: I hope he has a porn star brother named D. Impaler.
4:03: Oh, there’s the camera.
4:13: Grim statue is grim.
4:17: I can’t be the only one bothered by that fake crud on the camera.
4:26: “This song goes out to our boy, Lucifer. We miss you, L-Dawg!”
4:34: Lucifer has spoken and he has said, “Oh, snap. I’m getting out of here before the police show up.”
4:42: It’s a fixer-upper.
4:46: I had a feeling this was a Mattias Bjorkbacka work. Typical Bjorkbacka,
Firespawn’s limited edition 7” Lucifer Has Spoken is out now and their full-length debut will be out in November 2015 via Century Media Records.
