Flush It Friday: Drink Beer!


Greetings and merry fucking Friday! It’s your beer drinking, grind blasting, blasphemous jerk-face fool Tyree.

I once read on a dive bar bathroom wall: “Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither will milk”. I’ve always fucking loved that quote. I use it all the time to be an asshole to people that don’t drink, but feel the need to give me shit for my drinking. Please go mind your own damn business, I’ll drink if I damn well please, you poopy head! Anyways, lets get to it.

THE BAD: My dear sister moved into my place over a month ago. She said it would only be temporary until she found a new place to live. She’s my sister so of course I said “yes”. I soon learned this was a huge goddamn mistake. My sister is a month and a half late with her rent now which for me is frustrating and very insulting, but on top of that she is also the biggest slob I have ever met in my entire life. I’ll come home from work and the place is always a colossal mess; there are too many gory details to list, so I won’t, but the trophy has to go to this heathen cat of hers. Ooooooh do I hate this fucking cat! The bastard shits/pisses everywhere, scratches my furniture, eats food that I have in the kitchen, and is just an overall asshole. One night I was cooking on the stove a delicious stir-fry for myself, and the cat kept jumping on the counter trying to eat out of the pan I was cooking in. I kept pushing him away until I finally became so furious that I lifted the pan up away from the cat and was going to push him off the counter completely. Well, the dumb-ass cat lunged at the pan as I lifted it up and walked on the burning stove and made the loudest and most painful scream I’ve heard in a long time. I did not mean for the thing to burn it’s paws, but I’m glad it did because the little shit deserved it. Now I make sure it never leaves my sister’s room, which reeks of shit by the way, because my sister has not emptied the damn litter box in over a month. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! It’s going to get ugly here next week if things don’t change.

THE GOOD: I always have an endless supply of beer! I also have the Toilet along with all of you fine guys and gals to hang out with. Finally, writing has become an interest of mine again, and I’m trying to do a lot more of it whether you dorks like it or not. My band’s new album is almost complete, which is fucking rad. Vocals just got finished, and we are actually getting it professionally mixed for the first time.

THE UGLY: I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning cursing my self for drinking way too much while pissing alcohol out of my butthole.

Bring it, flushers! Spill your bowels out.

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