Nuclear Blast Is Posting “Found Footage” Videos To Promote… Something


Something spoopy this way comes.

About a month ago, Nuclear Blast Records starting posting 14-25 second videos simply titled “Found Footage” with a corresponding sequential number. The videos are shot in black and white with a styling that makes them appear to be from an old film. Minimalist ambient drones are the only sounds present. In each video, we briefly see a figure clad in black and what appears to be some sort of mask. He (it?) silently stares or walks past the camera with unclear intentions or motives. This all begs the question: Just what the heck is Nuclear Blast trying to do?

While this is most likely promoting something, it is not clear what. A new album? A new band signing? A ridiculous Kreator band photo? Some have speculated that this was for the new Meshuggah album The Violent Sleep Of Reason which was released on October 7th. The last video was published on October 3rd. Coincidence? That’s what they want you to think. Take a look for yourself.

We here at Toilet Ov Hell enjoy disturbing, unsettling and terrifying horror-centric videos found on the internet. We also love being wildly speculative. Here are some of our best guesses as to what these “found footage” clips are trying to promote.

  • A video game based on Vader songs
  • A documentary on Aversions Crown‘s gaping earlobe holes
  • Ghost Bath is developing a children’s show
  • Cradle of Filth is writing a new Blair Witch-themed concept album
  • Pro-Pain is releasing a box set specifically for Joe
  • Nile writing new songs about Egypt, Maine
  • Danzig is working on a covers album of just Six Feet Under songs.
  • Fear Factory is opening their own haunted house
  • Filming a porno starring Twilight Force and a whole bunch of sexy dragons
  • Surgical Meth Machine are releasing their own brand of LSD.
  • Archspire Archspire Archspire?
  • Sepultura will release an album of Soulfly covers
  • New Necrophagist album will be released in 2029
  • Fireball Ministry is being sponsored by Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey
  • Decrepit Birth are opening their own fine-dining restaurant
  • The puppets from Pain‘s “Call Me” video have come to life and are looking for revenge
  • Remember Tapping The Vein?
  • Edguy changing their name to Edbrah
  • Satyricon are ditching Satan for Martin Shkreli
  • Nuclear Blast is merging with Napalm Records to form KA-BLAMMO Records
  • Nails are going on permanent mental hiatus
  • Sonata Arctica is going on tour with Navi from Ocarina of Time.
  • Opeth to release good version of Sorceress
  • Wintersun is making their own brand of sundials
  • New line of Sabaton-approved camo pants
  • Epica and Nightwish to swap members and see if anyone notices
  • Alexi Laiho from Children of Bodom finally put on a shirt

What do you think? What’s your wild guess?

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