Braindance – Lost: A Video Breakdown


Why did someone have to find this?

Today’s video breakdown comes to us courtesy of our old robot pal, CyberneticOrganism. Rest in Mango Habanero sauce, Cybro.

Braindance is a progressive darkwave/goth band that have been kicking around since the early 90’s. I can safely say that I don’t really know much about the band or that scene on my own, but I definitely understand the appeal. Dark dance music that’s heavy on the imagery and performance. Of course, it’s not 1994 anymore. Scenes and sounds have changed many, many times over the past two decades. Someone forgot to tell Braindance. Someone also forgot to tell the director of this music video.

0:07: Come at me, brooooooooo!
0:14: Now we know who to shame.
0:19: And now for my Let’s Play of The Pyramids Of Egypt.
0:26: Beware the Curse Of The Pharaohs.
0:31: Also beware the guy that hogs the chest press machine at the gym.
0:38: Do you even darkwave, bruh?
0:44: This is all subliminal messages to drink more Ovaltine.
0:52: No one in this band looks like they should be in a band with the other members.
0:57: Gratuitous crotch shot!
1:03: Was that Shao Khan?
1:07: They spared NO expense for that costume.
1:11: “Please enjoy nature’s candy, Pharaoh.”
1:22: “Grapes?! Feh! I demand tendies!”
1:27: I could look up the vocalist’s name, but I’d rather create some of my own.
1:29: How about “Flex Johnson”?
1:34: “Buff Deltoid”?
1:39: “Pecks Hemingway”?
1:50: “Protein Malone”?
1:56: Special guest appearance by SUNN O))).
2:02: Missed opportunity not wearing a giant ankh around his neck.
2:08: Can one of our Egyptian readers take a look at all this and let us know how historically inaccurate this is?
2:12: Guitar not drawn to scale.
2:24: King Tut from the old Batman TV show was more convincing.
2:31: Bruce Of Arabia is not impressed.
2:38: “Sire, these are the ones who claim to possess great tendies.”
2:44: I hope they had someone on set whose only job was to spritz water on him.
2:51: Or cover him with Vaseline.
2:57: Who knew they had hair product in ancient Egypt?
3:09: You live by the tendie, you die by the tendie.
3:14: “Whoa! Check out the tendie on that guy!”
3:20: It glows with the power of a thousand honey mustard packets!
3:26: I don’t care how in shape or good-looking you are, doing that is never, ever cool.
3:33: See?
3:45: He must have cleaned out a pharmacy of all their Icy Hot after all this posing and flexing.
3:54: That feeling when the Blazin’ Buffalo sauce finally hits.
3:59: Now he knows all the ancient BDubs secrets.
4:02: Sauces. Seasonings. He knows all now.
4:10: I don’t like this new version of American Gladiators.
4:20: I can’t get over how tiny that guitar looks.
4:25: Betrayed by his own hubris and for double-dipping.
4:30: That’s not makeup. His eye always looks like that.
4:34: “Now we’re going steady.”
4:40: The Mummy movies really lost steam after Brendan Fraser left.
4:45: At least we still have Muscles Roidman.

Braindance’s album Master Of Disguise is out now.

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