Quilting Your Shirts to Live Vol. 2
Top o’ the mornin’ to all you rebel rousers out there! Faith Wurning back again with another round of my patchwork project for my grandson. Here’s the first edition if you missed it. For those not in the know, I’m making a quilt out of all his old band t-shirt logos. I asked him if we could include some old favorites of mine like Burl Ives and Johnny Mathis, but he said they “weren’t metal enough.” I guess I’ll just have to educate myself in the ways of heavy metal. And why’s it called that anyway? Whose harebrained idea was it? Music has no weight! To refer to it as a weighted mineral is beyond silly to me. That garish salt rock my daughter bought me for Mother’s Day is heavier than this racket!
Well, there I go gabbing again. Let me show you what I added onto this rag on August 7th, the same day in 1882 the Hatfields and McCoys started their feud (over me!) and the birthday of the David Duchovny, Charlize Theron, and the real life Newman from Seinfield.
What was I spinnin’ while quiltin’: I remember seeing the original Halloween in theaters back in ’78. Before that, I thought the scariest thing in the world was the Invisible Man because who wouldn’t be scared of some psychopathic horn dog sneaking up on you? But then Halloween came along and it damn near scared me right out of my night gown! That might have made my husband Kenny happy. Anyway, my grandson told me the director mostly does music now, so he put on Cathedral by John Carpenter, his son Cody, and Daniel Davies. A family affair, how sweet! There was no singing, which was a blessing, and I found it to be perfectly spooky.
- Iron Maiden Hockey Club: My grandson wore the heck out of this shirt. Look at how weathered the logo is. I think he actually wore this when he played hockey for bit, not that he was any star athlete. Gordie Howe could skate circles around him. Is Mr. Howe still with us? Well, even from the grave he could outplay my grandson. And why does a band have a hockey club? Shouldn’t they just have a fan club? Do the groupies come out on skates? Does the band go out on stage and play hockey? Is that what happens during the intermission these days?
Time for the August 9th extensions, which is the same day in 1974 that rotten bastard Nixon resigned and the birthday of Gillian Anderson, Hoda Kotb (I love The Today Show!), and that absolute hunk, Sam Elliott!
What was I spinnin’ while quiltin’: I had a ringing in my ears, so I didn’t want to listen to anything. Instead, I fired up my satellite feed to watch a movie! I wanted to watch the first Captain America movie because I think that Chris Meloni is so handsome! Oh, it’s not him. He’s Elliott Stabler! I meant Chris Pine, that’s the right Chris. But I was hornswoggled and got stuck with Captain America II: Death Too Soon which came out in the ’70s. It stars Reb Brown who I can only describe as a walking slab of man meat. And not the smart kind either! It also had the far more attractive and talented Christopher Lee as the villain named Miguel. Not a very British-sounding name if you ask me, nor very threatening. And his plan was to make everybody old! Everybody! Even the babies! That’s not very scary. Everybody gets old! Just not in 15 minutes. Oh, it was so corny. Cornier than my feet!
- Dark Lord Day 2017: This is some kind of gathering where people stand in 90 degree heat or torrential rain, drink heavily, and see heavy metal bands play. Sounds awful! Can’t they just have a nice get together in the park and enjoy some sherry? My grandson didn’t even go to this edition of the festival. A friend got him this shirt. He told me he went a previous year and completely blacked out from drinking. One of his friends told me tried to climb over a fence! Can you imagine being three sheets to the wind to the point you’re scaling someone’s property? What a lush! He told me some of the bands he saw at the festival over the years were:
- Brain Tentacles Sounds messy!
- Minsk Scarf.
- Sacred Reich Not be confused with any others.
- Nuclear Assault I hope he ducked and covered!
- High on Fiber.
- Bongzilla: If it isn’t obvious, my grandson has a crippling marijuana addiction. Sometimes he even gets high before he stops in to see me. The nerve! Maybe I want to join in one time. I’ve heard it’s great for helping you deal with aches and pains. Lord knows I have plenty of those! But of course, he had to ruin this lovely green shirt. This logo is completely tainted from cannabis smoke. I don’t even know what color that is!
- Power Trip: Sounds like these boys have been spending too much time holding the wall at work. Why give yourself a big head, now? Are they all stuck up middle managers who think they can sit around on their asses while everyone else does their work for them? I used to be involved with the unions at my jobs and lemme tell ya, I have some words for these boys! Oh wait, the world wide web tells me they’re a thrash metal band from Texas. This is just the logo. My grandson has the rest of the shirt design somewhere else. Must be a big shirt to be cut up into pieces like that. Big in Texas as they say!
That’s all for now, kiddies! My arthritis is acting up from all this typing so it’s time to rest these old crone hands. Don’t walk under any open ladders, be nice to each other, and if you saw someone shoplifting, no you didn’t!
