Flush It Friday: Special Guest Edition
After killing Reposted A7x Fan for making my fanbase look even stupider than it already is, I needed to explore new horizons to embellish my already fucking illustrious career! So here I am writing this Flush It Friday thingy! I like Fridays a lot. It means the week is almost over and I won’t have to steal any more riffs until next week. Also, I can play my Call of Doody games and 360 no-scope some Rings of Saturn fans. What if I told you I was actually really super kvlt and I just like money so I staty in Avenged Sevenfold? Lol “staty”. Look at that typo, it’s like “Stacey”, but not really. Do you like going off on tangents? I like to – did you guys play my new game yet? I mean our new game, of course. It sucks! You should totally buy it though because it’s quite good at repelling loofahs. I don’t like loofahs, THEY ALWAYS TRY TO CLEAN ME! FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT SHIT I JUST WANT TO WRESTLE IN THE MUD WITH SYN! STAY SHADOWS!
Good: When I went to the bathroom this morning it was the greatest-feeling poop I have ever had. Like, when it came out, I was in pure ecstasy. My body was so happy to be rid of the festering monster of a turd! Note to self: work festering monster turd into the next album somehow, probably with the FFDP riff we stole.
Bad: I don’t like the cold. It makes my fingers all stiff and stuff. It should not be cold anymore, it should be hot so I can look at all the cute girlies in their miniskirts. It’s much easier to hunt evil loofahs in the warm weather too. Bitches be hiding in the snow when it’s cold out. Then they pop out like a snowcanic eruption and are like, “Time to get clean, mofo!”
Ugly: Avenged Sevenfold hasn’t been creative since City of Evil, but other bands are always staying creative and I wish I could do that too but at the same time I am making some good money so I am conflicted between being a total sellout and making the music I want to make one day I hope to be like Metallica and be able to take a century to release a new album and also that way I wont have to have a side career of loofah-hunting because I will probably have enough money to learn what a run on sentence i-OHMYGOD THE ICE CREAM TRUCK!
It’s Friday! Flush your life and pretend there is something good about it!
[Editor’s Note: We apologize for the inanity of the above message. Here’s an animal gif to compensate you for lost time.]